Friday, June 5, 2009

Giddy UP

The Wife and I are two very different types of people, not much in common, backgrounds, interests etc. and this is probably one of the reasons, besides love, why we’ve stayed together. When it comes time to decide on the vacation spot of the year we get into some very interesting conversations and negotiations.

I’m a business major and had my graduate studies in Psychology. Who do you think has the better convincing statements and arguments on where we go on vacation? Me.

Who knows that a couple of pieces of paper can mean crap and who usually wins on their V choice? The Femme

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair number of wins though, like the time we went on vacation to a Dude Ranch in upstate New York.

I’ve horseback ridden before when I lived in So.Cal during my early high school years. And just like a bike you don’t forget. The Wife, on the other hand, was on an old sway back horse for a total of 3 minutes or until the time the horse felt he had to shift his weight from one side to the other. The Wife started to cry then slid off the horse. That day I ended up with a 2 hour instead of a 1 hour ride.

So years later at a weeklong vacation at a Dude ranch with cowboys and luscious cowgirls, what was the Wife going to do? She tried to get on a horse again.

She was up on the steps (yeah, steps…lmao) and at the very moment she was going to swing her leg over the saddle there was a slight commotion in the corral. A horse with a big lady on its back was starting to bow down. The Lady was leaning straight back on the saddle then started screaming bloody murder. The horse began leaning towards one side at which point all the cowboys and luscious cowgirls started yelling to the lady “GET OFF! GET OFF THE HORSE!!”. The horse rolled and somehow during all the screams and yells the lady was able to get away from the horse.

I saw a bubble pop out of the Wife’s head with one big bold word “FUCKTHISSHIT” and I knew right there and then, she was not about to put her precious butt into that saddle.

For the whole week I got an extra ride each day and the Wife hung out by the bar.

Vacation Rating

Dyke: 9

Femme: 3

The wife. and she was still too close to the horse.


lesbo said...

So cute.
I like R already LOL

C said...

i could just picture the whole thing as i read it. hahahaha
hey jude!
ya gotta sexy cute wife there, too.


word ver. = twing... bwahahahah thats diane's word for a do it yourselfer...

CrackerLilo said...

That was absolutely hilarious--love how you told it! I totally sympathize with your wife about horses. I'll risk my neck in a number of ways, but that particular one is hard for me to control, and it smells besides.

My wife and I actually have almost no problem making vacation plans, but we're really different from each other, too. I have come to think that this is almost essential for same-sex couples.

Windy Days said...

"precious butt" cracked me up!

LilliGirl said...

Hilarious! Love it.

aj said...

Haha.. so where ya goin this year?

Propane Amy said...

HAhahahaha i love it!! I would die to go horseback riding!! Ive never done it.

"R" is adorable!

TaMs* said...

ha! you are such a good storyteller. I'm scared of horses so I try to stay as far a way as possible.

So where are you going to vacation????

shane rocket said...

I think I just peed my pants- needed this laugh to wake me up....

Dawg said...


*your CD request I'm working on .. and .. since you're so fucking special .. you have unlimited requests!*

Dragon said...

LOL too funny! So sorry the wifey didn't enjoy it though. I am with you....I love me some horseback riding!!!

Jude said...

Let's see this is Femme year...trip to Florida staying in hotels and we just started talking about a possible trip to Hawaii...staying at a friends house.

Next year is my year and we'll be river rafting down the River Kwai in Thailand camping along the way and the one I really can't wait to do is Camel riding through Egypt to see the pyramids and we'll be staying in portable yurts.