Monday, June 1, 2009


This isn’t me. I know it. I'm not a quitter but right now, that’s what I feel like doing.

People, I’m tired.

Tired of fighting for what should be our basic right.

Tired of going through countless of pictures, videos, blogs, twits that are all saying or showing the same thing over and over and over again. When are THEY going to get it!

Tired of sending emails to politicians that support and don't support us.

Tired of hearing the lies that are always coming out of our opposition, the rightgeous prcks.

Tired of having to fill in time on my calendar to go to rallies, marches, meetings, equality torch runs, don’t ask/tell etc. etc. etc.

When all I want to say is FCK EM ALL; but saying that doesn’t change shit and not going to these events doesn't move our community forward.

I feel beat up, done for, fed up, spent and just plain old tuckered out. Hopefully, that's only for today.

I’ll rest up this week and get my mind, body and soul ready to continue the fight.

FCK EM ALL! (there, I feel a little bit better)


Jess said...

:) I am proud of your passion! I, myself, do not take part in such only because I feel I live my life just as I would if I were married. I understand the need to "have the right" however, as with all things, it will come around. I absolutely, 100%, appreciate the love and support you have shown for our community!!! You ARE making a difference!!

Take some time to relax and get another game plan together!!

Sandy said...

Your feelings are unstandable but its people like you with such passion and committment that help bring about positive changes.Taking a breather and getting some well deserve rest is healthy for you.I know that you will not and can not give up on this cause.Much thanks for all that you do.

shane rocket said...

You are my hero jude- just do what you are capable of right now. and if that means needing a break then do it. I had no idea how you were keeping up in the first place- super woman you are not. take a break -drink some beers. my challenge to you is take a few photos of you and your woman and pets today.... it may recharge yourself... the fight for equality will not change overnight and the fight will still be there when you go back. AFTER A BREAK. orders shithead.... and some hugs

Windy Days said...

I love you. You're my front-liner - Stay strong. As far as our birth families are concerned, Dawn and I say, "Isn't it nice to be on the side of LOVE?!" That applies here, too. And LOVE always wins.

Windy Days said...

Maybe you need a vacation;)

Windy Days said...

I hear Florida is nice;)

Dar said...

Good! I very glad your venting made you feel better. ... I understand your anger and frustration so very well. But you can't let them get to you. You just can't. That's what the opposition would like, for everyone to back down and just go away. They're not going to beat you down I just know it. You're made of better stuff than that. You just need to recharge; take some time to enjoy the life that you are working towards making better. ... My gosh Jude; you deserve it!!!! (((((((HUGS!!!!!!))))))

Dyke67ny said...

Dear Judes,
I want to say "never ever give up!" because we have come a long way but the fight is far from over!

The people who show bigotry and hatred towards us are nothing more that hypocrites who talk the talk but don't walk the talk...

Hang in there and know you can always talk to me because I am also a fighter who will never give up as long as there is still breath in me to do so!

We will win our rights not just for California but for all LGBT brothers and sisters around the country!

P.S. Please check out my new LGBT CAT as there are also resources for the fight!

Standing up (ok, sitting down) for our rights!

CrackerLilo said...

I've felt that way. When it comes to online debate, I *have* pretty much given up (and I quit a NASCAR fan list over it, too). I'm about to give up on a few of my relatives as well. I wonder, do our opponents ever get tired? It sure doesn't feel like it.

That said, you deserve a break and a rest. We all do. Don't worry--if you stop for a little bit, you *will* get back up and get going again. In fact, you'll be better. (I have to tell my workaholic mom that all the time.) I have found, too, that sometimes just being with my wife fires my passion up, not just for her but for the cause and for all loving couples blocked by societal stupidity from being all they can for each other.

Valerie Plame Wilson said something really beautiful. She was fighting with her husband after the s*** hit the fan for them. She said they decided that the Republicans who outed her as a spy took their reputations and their jobs, but they would never let them take her marriage. I reflect on that, and I also find myself sometimes thinking on this graffito found in Paris in 1969 (translated, of course): "The more I revolt, the more I want to make love. The more I make love, the more I want to revolt."

My verification word is "restra". :-)

lesbo said...

Jude, all that you do is so amazing. But who doesn't need a break? That's perfectly ok. Revamp yourself. Drinks lots o beer. Chill out.

We all love you and you are our hero, to say the least.
Thank you for all that you have done!

Dragon said...

Yeah, you aren't quitting and you damn well know it. ;-) Because if you quit and others quit, who is going to bitchslapp all them assholes out there that want to take away our freedoms. Because at that point, we then can say, fine here are our white flags, we give up, you win. Fuck that!! Trust me Jude, if it wasn't for me trying to keep my head above water and raise my kid, I would be right there on the front lines with you. Your passion is a amazing, don't give up!! Do it for us bitches that can't be there with you! :-D

Dyke67ny said...

I am in this fight like everyone else and have come a long way and be damn if I will give up!

So, take my hand and lets move forward! Equality may not be today or tomorrow but damn it's coming!

Everyone join me in the fight for equality by getting your own "LGBT CAT"

Where bloggin out loud in the queer community and will stand by you Jude as well as the thousands of others taking their fight to to the streets!!!!!!

SOLO said...

It's seems like you're feeling guilty about being tired! DON'T! We've fought our fight, remember Jude? WE opened doors all those years ago, remember?? It's time for the young blood to take the helm. It is our job, now, to guide and advise, not necessarily to get back out on the street to tub thump. We've done that.

You have earned your laurels, and you can now graciously take them to the reclining chair and watch this next chapter unfold.

WHile you're being proud of our Community, be proud of YOU as well. Look how many youngin's you influence just on your blog.

You represent us 'middle aged' women well. Thanks for that, Jude.

Propane Amy said...

Jude, you are definitely someone I look up to. What you do and what you believe in makes you everyone's hero. Especially mine.


Anna said...

You really are amazing.

kimber p said...

Jude there's no shame in being tired and fed up...I feel guilty that I haven't done more....please know that you have so many of us looking up to you and so many younger lesbians needing your example of how to be. We love you.

C said...

even one candle luminates a room.

you fight hard. you play hard. you hope deeply. and you try and try and try.... even if the only progress you see is within your little corner of the world, it's still progress.

do not give up. maybe changing your expectations might be a way to feel less frustrated. even though we as a community have come a long way, baby... we cant control our nation and how they see us. it will change when its the right time to do so. i know it will change, i just dont know when. if you enjoy the rallies etc.. that you attend by all means keep going. but it's also OK to take a break and take care of yourself, otherwise you wont have the energy to do what you need to do. thank you for all you do. i feel guilty sometimes as i do not have the financial means, time away from work, or energy [i have fibro] to get out there as you do, but i try to do what i can here in town, on my blog, and i really appreciate the time and effort you and peeps like you, do for us who can not.
have faith honey, things will come our way. keep believing. keep praying. human rights are constitutional for every one, and it WILL come around. meantime, keep lovin your woman as if you already have all those rights... and be happy.

love, and gratitude,


Dyke67ny said...

I am with you 110% Jude!

Don't ever give up for tomorrow is another day!

Looking for something queer, find it here:

Standing up (ok, sitting down) for our rights!

Jen said...

Jude Jude Jude. Your passion, commitment, and drive are inspiring and amazing. I think it's good to vent and take a break. Hang in there, it will happen. It will.

Hugs to you all the way from Jersey :)


Squirty said...

You are my hero! You deserve a break!

Thank you so much for all you do!

Jude said...

You gals ROCK!

I am overwhelmed by all of your responses! You’re support, love and cheers have given me a recharge that I didn’t expect to feel so soon.

Jess, thanks for making me feel special. Everyone is doing their part in one way or fashion.

Sandy, thank you for adding the sensibility factor, it always helps me get back to a clear focus.

And my dipshit Shane, I can’t wait to someday get those hugs directly from you.

Windy, I totally agree with you. I’m ready for that Florida vacation. Bring on those margaritas; I’ll bring the ice ;)

Dar, you’re spot on. I needed to vent and it looks like I went to the right place to do it too. As always, thanks for your strong shoulder of support.

Dyke New Yorker, I’m hanging in there and it’s great to see the support and fight coming from the east coast too. Dyke-ON!

Cracker, thanks for your words and compassion. You’re right, after a short rest I’ll be back in the fight. And I love the Paris graffito you passed onto me, might even use it if I ever find myself carrying a sign instead of a camera. And LOL on the verification word…how did it know?

Lesbo, one of these days we’ll be having a beer together and saying remember when…. Thanks for your kind words.

Dragon thanks for spunking me up. I’ll be ready to get back to dykeslappin really soon. You made me laugh and I needed that.

Dear Solo, I know we’ve been through this all before in other areas; this one is too personal for me to not be out in the front lines for as long as I can do it. In one of the marches, I met an 80 something gay women who absolutely amazed me and I thought right then and there, if she can do it so can I. Your video project is going to get the word out too. I’m so there….thanks for starting it.

Ames, big hugs back to you too. Thanks for your concern and for just being there for me. It means a lot.

Anna, I’m only being me. A Judester, out there with millions of other people who want the same thing. Thanks for stopping by and giving your support.

Kimber, don’t feel any guilt. I’ll put you in my heart so you can be where ever I go. Deal?

C, thanks for putting things in a better perspective for me. I was overwhelmed and drained coming back from the Fresno Rally. We’re all each our own candle, yet we can make a difference in our own way.

Jen, Jersey Girls rule!, don’t we ;) and JG’s give the best hugs too. I felt yours come through, thanks.

Hey Squirts! Thanks for stopping by, I know you’re busy.


I’ve got the best, THE BEST, friends in my blog world and I love you all.

Dyke67ny said...

It is amazing how much your voice can carry when other's hear any signs of weakness and a need for a push!

We are all behind you so do like I said, take my hand (or handle on my wheelchair) and march besides us to Equality!!!!!!!!!!!

Follow our gay out loud blogs!

Standing up (ok, sitting down) for our rights!

Newbo said...

Don't give up! If it weren't for inspirational people like you then we wouldn't be where we are today! All your hard work will definitely pay out in the end!