Monday, September 21, 2009

Where's da Wife?

She's away and this Dyke is lost. Well not completely but still, I need help.

The bed doesn't get made every morning. So what, it's airing out.

I walk Ziggy in the AM. I've been able to change the walk time by 1/2 hour so instead of the 5FCKN30 walk it's now 6 and maybe I can stretch it out another 15 minutes. Yeah, more sleep time!

I hate doing the dishes and it seems like they multiply very quickly. I am a master at configuring the dishwasher, but don't like doing the non-DW items that have to go into the hot sudsy water. My belly ends up with a big water spot.

I sliced my finger cutting up an onion for the chili, right by the cuticle too and no one was here to put the spiderman band aide on it or kiss it.
I have minor MI's (heartattacks) when I leave the remote on the couch and Ziggy is wandering about. I've lost track as to the number of opportunities the remote could have turned into jigsaw puzzle pieces. Been totally lucky on this one.

One morning there was a horrendous odor in the kitchen. No, not my cooking but it was related to the previous night's dinner. Tuna in the drain that I didn't get into the garbage. Took two days for that smell to leave unless I've gotten use to it.

Is it wrong to have Ziggy help clean the cat's litter box? Scooping out fudge nutties and solid pancakes of piss is not my idea of a pleasurable experience whereas Ziggy seems to enjoy the little treats.

Do you think my Dad would pitch in a little? Granted he's 89 but he doesn't have a problem getting around, especially to the refrigerator. The other day he made himself a cheese omelet and left the clean up for me. Thanks Dad and no, I didn't want one. One word for that - Men!

And now that I have the whole giant bed to myself to move about, I miss my other half. The one that completes me, makes me laugh, gives me loving when I need to be loved.

I need my football pal, the guacamole that she makes to perfection and the smile she gives me when she hands me a cold beer.
Sunday isn't getting here fast enough for me.

23 comments:

Dragon said...

LOL, ah poor Jude. Nice stylin with the spiderman bandaid. I have the same kind.

vixen kitten said...

Dang, and I though Solo did the whole love thang good! She's got nothin on you!

You are looking hot with Spidey there, Sugar!

I actually am feeling a little sorry for you after reading this. :)

xoxo
~vk~

PS...I'm pretty sure Ziggy helping with the fudge nutties is illegal in several states. Check your local labor laws, k.

Jude said...

Right on Dragon. I had a choice of either sponge bob or spidey.

tommy said...

Ha, Jude--I have the same belly water spot issue :) I vote for letting ziggy help with litter box duty...when I get behind on the chores, Pepper takes one for the team and handles the litter critters for me :)...she loves it. Just don't let ziggy lick you anytime soon, haha.

Propane Amy said...

If I remember correctly, I said last week on twitter when you were being the big bad butch that you be lost out without your femme!! LMAO

God, I love being right!!

She will be home soon to take care of you Jude. Hang in there!!

Ang said...

Aww hugs Jude my poor lost friend. The wifey will be home soon and it will be all better. Hang in there

LilliGirl said...

I'm thinkin she'll kiss you and make it all better...unless you leave her all those dishes. LOL

Hang in there...I'm sure she misses you too.

two cat scene said...

ewwwww on the nuggets....
awwwww on the missing...
Im never the same when J is away either. I hate sleeping alone.

small town dyke said...

LOL Jude your way to cute. the spidey bandaid is the bomb. she wil be home soon and then it's SOD!!!

Mel's Way or No Way said...

Poor, sad, lonely Jude. You just better have the place spotless when the wife comes home or it's the dog house for you.

YUCK on letting the dog clean the litter box.

lesbo said...

like justin timberlake says... "cry me a river..."

you can do this, jude. show R how manly man you are. and you better have that house spotless when your lady gets back, or i'm guessing no SOD for you.

xo.

aneke said...

Off topic here, but can you teach me your seventh sense? My gaydar is broken..

Margo said...

Jude, you're pathetic. I love it!

You sound like me when Bec walks out the door to the grocery store - you old softy.

I wish I had some advice on the dishes - I can't do non-DW dishes either. They have to pile out of sink before I give in.

Sorry it sucks without R, but this post is hilarious.
How was the chili?

Jen said...

Awwww poor Jude! You're a mess ; ) Hang in there, she'll be back soon!

shane rocket said...

you alone spells

D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R.

big baby dyke it up. :)

lesbo said...

I love how we all have no sympathy for the spoiled dyke ;)

CJ said...

Um...I'm supposed to go out of town for five days, starting tomorrow. After reading this, I am a bit scared to leave...

Sandy said...

Poor sweet baby,all alone and giving herself booboos and not having the wife to kiss it to make it all better.You are dangerous being left alone but it does make the heart grow fonder and just think about the meet up when wife gets home.Much fireworks if you have the place in order.

Dawg said...

Yea, dykes are ok on their own for a day or two .. three at the max .. but we crumble after day four.

Jude said...

oh fuck, today is day four.

Windy Days said...

Awwwww! Poor Judey Jude!

kimber p said...

I have spiderman bandaids too..they DO make boo-boos better! Vic has Spongbob...I'm smiling now because we're not the only ones with cartoon character first aid items lol :)

p.s. You're a big baby--it's so cute..lol

Camlin said...

I hope she comes home to you soon.

I have Dora and neon green bandages. No superheroes, as the small person will not have them.