Monday, November 23, 2009

3 words

My Mom had lung cancer and she lost her battle with it ten years ago. Her left lung was removed and I could feel the emptiness as I rubbed her back. Radiation was hard on her and she decided she didn't want to go through chemo. That was her choice.

I have cancer.

Four weeks ago on the day my Dr. told me, I tried to say those words to two different people and the phrase kept getting stuck in the back of my throat and I cried. How was I ever going to tell my Wife. I guess the two practice sessions helped because when she came home that afternoon I sat her down on the couch and the three words rolled off my tongue then I watched as her face crumbled before my eyes. We held onto each other for a long time.

And we waited.

Having a history of fibroids and two great Dr.'s is what is saving me. For the past five years not only I was doing the dreaded pap smear I also was getting an ultrasound done. The last ultra showed a change which led me to having a biopsy done and that's when the endometrial cancer showed it's face. An internal change had happened, there were no other signs or symptoms that this cancer has invaded my body.

I have cancer.

It's still hard to say because you think it's never going to happen to you. Shit happens. My Oncologist Dr. believes it's been caught in the early stage; we'll know exactly how far the cancer got seven days after the surgery. More waiting. I don't have any more brown hair to turn grey.

The Wife and I are calling this a little bump in the road. She's ready (already) to spoil (spoiling) me and I'm ready to love her even more. Here's three words that I have no problem saying. Fuck you cancer.

43 comments:

tommy said...

I'm sure that was scary scary news to hear...while I don't know you personally, I totally believe that you are an incredibly strong person and you will easily make this cancer "your bitch." You are lucky to have a fabulous wife to look after you during this whole ordeal. If you need anything or just wanna talk... let me know. You'll be fine Jude.. just fine :) and you are still my hero :) It was brave of you to blog about this...I've missed you. Keep your head up kid ;)

FemmeFairyGodmother said...

Fuck you cancer. You will beat it. I will be thinking of you and Mrs. Jude all week. And be looking for cookies the first week of December. Ish.

Camlin said...

love...hugs...more love...healing thoughts...

Mel's Way or No Way said...

Jude, I'm sending good thoughts to you and your wife. I've been dealing with my father's rectal cancer and that's been hard enough. I can't imagine if it was me or my honey.

You are an incredibly strong woman and you will beat this! Fuck ou cancer!!!

Haizey said...

'Fuck' really is the only word that suffices in this situation. Keep strong Jude, keep strong and know that people are sending you well wishes. Hxxx

shane rocket said...

nothing but positive from me, you already know that. now shithead get this crap over with so you can annoy us all again.

C said...

hey jude, i am in shock and deeply saddened to hear this news. my prayers are with you. many people love you and your wife is incredable... plus you have your honory self... i know you will overcome this fucking cancer. fuck you cancer is right on the money, please use all of your power to focus on exterminating every last unhealthy cell. you are the PAC MAN and you will destroy the lil fuckers!

hugs, prayers, love and positive vibes sent your way-

chris

aneke said...

Wow, that's scary news for both of you.

Fuck you cancer.

You'll beat it!

You are both very much in my thoughts xx

vixen kitten said...

*hugs* Sending lots and lots to you. And love and positive thoughts.

Fuck you, cancer.

~vk~

small town dyke said...

Fuck you cancer!!! Nothing but positive thoughts and good wishes from ohio, you and Mrs Jude are in our thoughts!

Asphalt Cowboy said...

Hey, Hey, Hey...

Fuck you, Cancer.

Hang in there, man.

AB said...

FUCK YOU CANCER!!

Sending good vibes to you and the Missus.

jelly said...

Fuck you cancer!!

I don't know you personally, but from what I've read in your blog you are a strong woman and will beat this.
With your wonderful wife by your side, it will be okay.

Thoughts and prayers with you and your wife during this time. :-)

SquirtyB said...

Awww Jude, this sucks!

Sending positive vibes and healing thoughts your way.

Fuck you cancer! Leave Jude alone!

Jen said...

I love you Jude.

CJ said...

You will beat this. You will. Period. End of sentence. Fuck cancer. Kick it in the ass and send it packing....

C.I.W. said...

Jude.. through the blog world I am one of many who can say that you seem to be an amazing, strong woman. You are surrounded by wonderful doctors, a supportive loving wife... you have so much on your side.. you will beat this.

Cancer SUCKS.

I know.

I also know that it can be beat-- and it will be beat by you.

2momswithaplan said...

You will beat this Jude! You are a strong woman with a strong woman by your side. I'm happy they were able to catch it early and the prognosis looks good. Fuck you cancer!

Dar said...

I'll join you in that shout of defiance. FUCK YOU CANCER!!!!

Sandy said...

I am so glad that you can say that you have cancer but that cancer doesn't have you.I know that word is very scary but you are such a strong woman and have many many friends pulling for you.I think the secret is remaining positive while you are fucking those cancer cells.Immaging those cancer cells being destroyed is a positive thing,Jude.My prayers are with you and your wife.The love you two share is much stronger than any obstructions you will face.
Fuck you cancer.

Jude said...

wow....i even got Sandy to say "fuck"

Thanks everyone for your well wishes, hugs, love, and prayers. They all mean so much to me.

Yum, can't wait for those famous FFG's cookies.

Dar said...

(Chuckling) Apparently, you got everyone to say that. (Grin) There's no doubt that you are a powerful woman, and you can beat this cancer shit; I know you can!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Hugs to you...

and yes. Fuck you cancer.

Dragon said...

Exactly, Fuck you cancer!! You seem like a really strong person and I am sure with that and the help of your amazing wife, you will make it throught this and the next 3 words will be see ya cancer. My thoughts are always with you Jude. Good energies too you sweety.

lesbo said...

fuck you cancer is right!
you've totally got this in the bag.

I'll be anxiously awaiting R's call tomorrow.

love you mucho!

Windy Days said...

hugs and kisses my scrumptious brown turkey! I love you -

Mrs. Loudshoes said...

Jude~ I'm so sorry to hear your news. But please know that people DO GET BETTER. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer almost 16 years ago, and came through it just fine. I know you are scared, as anyone would be; have a good cry, take a deep breath, and know that you have the best wishes of so many, many people.

CrackerLilo said...

I am so sorry you (and the Wife) are having to deal with this. I know your strength and humor will carry you through.

*hugs* and healing energy to you.

FUCK YOU, CANCER!!!! You're messing with the wrong woman now!

greg said...

FUCK YOU CANCER!!! Stay strong, Jude. I'm sending good wishes your way.

LilliGirl said...

Well, fuckity, fuck, fuck fuck! That sucks monkey balls! But know, with R (and eveyone else) behind you you'll be just fine!

Fuck Cancer!

If not a mistake (cause those DO hapen too) may it be Stage 1 and the surgery recovery be the biggest pain in the ass you have to deal with!

Ang said...

Fuck you Cancer!!!! You will beat it. Remember you have all of us rooting you on and sending postitive thoughts your way. My thoughts and love go out to you and R. (((hugs)))

Margo said...

FuckYouCancer

thewishfulwriter said...

I just read this post and I if cancer had balls, I would totally kick it in the balls. Hard. I'm so glad you're proactive and have been taking steps to keep tabs on your body and any changes. I imagine it's still very scary, but you have lots of love and friends who you can count on to treat you just the same as they did before you said those three words. Sending big love :)

CJ said...

Go kick cancer's ass Jude. Kick the shit out of it. Sending you positive thoughts and energy. You will beat this and come out better than ever. Hugs to you.

kimber p said...

my word verification is 'losin'

as in, "cancer might as well get used to losin, cuz Jude ain't givin in either!"

from one survivor to a soon to be survivor--I raise my fist and yell, "FUCK YOU CANCER!!!!"

Maggie May said...

Fuck Cancer!

You can beat it.

Diane said...

sending you reiki energy...and a big FUCK YOU to cancer <3

southernfemme said...

Sending all good thoughts your way. You will beat this! Hugs

jilliebean said...

I had tears rolling down my face as I read your post. I cannot imagine hearing that news and then having to sit my family down to tell them. You can beat this.

Fuck off cancer.

canihelpyousir.com said...

I was thinking of you today. Sending you my thoughts for healing and comfort.

B said...

Fuck you, cancer! And I NEVER say "Fuck." LOL

reeflightning said...

ah jude, sending rainbows to you and the wife. a difficult time for you both.
i am a breast cancer survivor (15 years). whisper to those out of control cells, speak soft and gentle, let the little fuckers know that they exist because you live! time for them to take a permanent retirement because jude has a LIFE to live!
may the force be with you and yours.

Gypsy said...

I’ve followed you for a while but haven’t commented on your posts.

However, I lost my mother to breast cancer in 98, so I know how devastating it is. It compels me to to post.

Fuck the cancer..Fuck the cancer..Fuck the cancer..Fuck the cancer.

Be strong. It doesn’t beat us all. I wish you all the best.