Peeing in a little plastic cup is just not right.
After the Lab Tech (not the cute Dyke one either) finished labeling the yellow screw top clear plastic cup, she handed it to me with a snickering smile on her face and told me she needed a urine sample. I returned her smile with my "you are a sadistic bitch" smile, turned and headed into the bathroom.
I've relieved myself in all sorts of places and conditions...behind bushes, trees, rocks, I even left my mark in a Brazilian rain forest. I've used Lucky Lady (another story to tell) in row boats, canoes and kayaks. I've used the standing, WTF is this hole in the ground, in 3rd world countries. And there were many times on the long commute home I would park the Jeep at just the right angle off of Rt.80 and use the door as my privacy wall. I thought I was a pee pro, until yesterday when I had to pee into a 2 inch wide cup.
Ok, so in the BATroom I unscrewed the top and got the tiny container in the proper? place and well, I couldn't go. Tried again, yea something but wait, I'm hearing it fall into the toilet water? WTF? stop everything! Checked the cup, nothing. Sigh. Repositioned, tried again, ok going and oh crap! my fingers are getting wet! This sucks! But I did finally get something into the fucking little cup. I screwed on the lid, cleaned up the outside of the cup and my hands and I deposited it in the little secret hiding place and OMG there's somebody else's cup with bright orange pee, get me the FUCK out of here! It just wasn't right.
If there's a next time, I'm going to punch the snickering smiling bitch, take the cup, go outside and find a tree or rock. I'll probably do a lot better.
1 hour ago