Monday, January 11, 2010

Inside Screams Hurt


I'm not talking about screaming inside your car or house, more like keeping a scream inside of you simultaneously when your mouth, tongue and vocal cords are straining to have a normal voiced conversation. Because sometimes screaming at people just doesn't help with the cause of getting your point across in the most effective manner. You're wondering who I wanted to scream at, now? This time, two people. One Dad and one Mrs. Jude.

They are in a conspiracy to burn the house down.

Over the weekend Mrs and I were out for a while and when we came back home Dad was just leaving the kitchen with food stashed in his hand. I immediately smelled something burning and went into my fire safety check out mode and found a melted clear plastic container of the last few slices of pound bread on top of the toaster oven.

How my Dad did not see that something was on the toaster oven when he decided to cook his english muffin is beyond me. This isn't the first time this has happened either.

Why Mrs. WIFE still puts shit on top of the toaster oven is in the same category as the above.

Inside of me is screaming like a fucking banchee yet I used all of my sane resources and communication skills I've acquired to calmly yet with some passion ask both to be more aware and careful.

I then double checked the fire extinguisher, did the release, tilt upside down, placed it back in it's right full container, texted Dawg for the correct ratio of bailey's, kahlua and milk then proceeded to have three drinks. If there's a next time, you all will hear me.

13 comments:

small town dyke said...

this post had me laughing out loud. My 16 year old likes to cook and leave the burners on. the wife actually got to put out a fire while I was gone one night! i was told not to yell. Keep on them, but if it's like my house good luck!

Girl Fires said...

Fire scares the shit out of me. We have a daytime escape plan and a nighttime escape plan and extinguishers everywhere.
I hope Dad or Wife do not burn your house down, but you seem quite able to put it out should they ever bring actual flame from the toaster - and, at least it's not a gas burner they are messin with.

vixen kitten said...

Wait....Dawg gives out drink recipes via text? Shit. I had no idea.

I'm sorry. I know this is serious and all. Ya know, the whole fire thang, but the way you describe things, Sugar, just makes me giggle.

I hope there is no next time. :)



~vk~

Ang said...

Ok I can't help but giggle either...do you need me to visit once a week and be a safety monitor. I totally will if it means I get to chug down one of Dawg's drinks

shane rocket said...

omg. drama. lock them both in a bubble sans toasters!!! geez you need a supersized drink after this crap!

lesbo said...

nice job keeping your cool!
R must have promised you SOD and you didn't want to ruin your chances by screaming early, eh?

Mel's Way or No Way said...

You could smack their heads together. :)

No not really but kuddos to you for keeping it together and not screaming. I would have. Maybe it's time to have the smoke detectors directly wired to the fire dept.

SquirtyB said...

I feel your pain. Oh do I have some great stories of roomies trying to burn the house down doing stupid shit...

Camlin said...

Maybe you need to get rid of the toaster oven - or keep it under lock and key, only to be used when you're around to supervise.

LilliGirl said...

yep. what Camlin said.

aj said...

lmao--text ME that ratio

Jen said...

Scary! Glad you were home in time to fix things.

canihelpyousir.com said...

Sometimes you have to do just what you did, which is remain calm, kind of bite your tongue, and then make sure you can put the fire out later. In your case, hopefully that fire won't be literal. Good work, my friend.