Friday, January 15, 2010

Not Everyone is Welcomed

Emails, don't you just love them?

At work I get anywhere between 50 to 100 a day and those are mostly all work related and not all are needed. People at work think that if you have just a sliver of involvement with whatever project they're running, your name gets added as a cc. For instance, if Mary is heading up a project on changing from a 4 pin bobblydink to a 8 pin bobblydink, and if you are any way associated with bobs, bly's or dink's, your name gets added to the distribution list for the two years it's going to take to add four fucking pins onto bob. Get the idea? But that's work and I get paid to do that crap.

Then I have my personal email. This normally is my more fun space to be but something has changed with the "fun" part over the last few months.

It's a guarantee that I get messages from my friends and those could be either real messages or jokes. Either way tells me that person took some time out of their busy life to contact me. Those are my fav emails.

Then I get the shit that I have willingly signed up to get updates. Examples are the monthly or weekly emails from Barnes and Noble, Frys, very important beer establishments, Baja Bettys, etc. When I feel that I'm getting inundated with those type of messages I start cutting them down. Shit, I even get an email from my car every month telling me how many miles I've driven her in the last 30 days and if she needs a lube job. (hmmmm, how could I get something similar on Mrs. Jude?)

All good so far, right? Here's where the stupid asinine crap comes into play.

Why the fuck have I started to get emails from AARP and HOT Single Men in my Area? I really don't need either. Why does someone think I need a free glucose meter or a free trial on some tea that flushes 20 lbs of blubber out of you from some hole and I don't want to know the where or how? WTF is a Woopra? One company is still trying to get me to extend my warranty on a car that I haven't owned in 5 years.

Here's a good one: eDaii Cadastre seu negociao no. pfffffft! say what?

Yesterday, I got an email that my voice mail can now be put into a text message. I still have the "deer in headlights" look on my face because I'm totally confused with why they think I now have a need to fucking read my voice mails??

And the kicker and the biggest fuck you goes to, from power wheelchair kit where they told me to get my freedom back with a power wheelchair by hover-the-ground. Yeah right, so I can go down the side walks doing wheelies and racing against the Turbo Tip Over Man.

Here's a big Jersey salute to the stupid emails. Go somewhere else.


greg said...

Um, why doesn't my car (sweet Brutus) not write to me? What kind of special relationship do you have with your car that I apparently do not? I'm going out there to have a little chat with her now...

One more thing: I hate chain letters.

An extra thing: My word verification is Brutana. Strange.

Blazer said...

I am back on the Viagra email list. Really? As a lesbian, I don't really have a problem with my cock not being hard when I need it. The genius of silicone.

Jude said... please don't be too hard on your sweet Brutus.

Blazer...ROTFLMAS! yes, silicone rules.

2momswithaplan said...

Haha... I keep getting emails from eHarmony.... um... no thank you!

Blazer - I love your comment! LOL

Dragon said...

I hear you big time on that. I just changed emails and it is nice to not get all the extra junk emails. All though, I have to admit, the idea of racing around in a chair might be fun.
Work is the same way for me. That is where I can get in trouble. I will not read, delete thinking it has nothing to do with me and some do. OOppss next.

lesbo said...

oh how I love gmail's spam catcher. maybe twice a month do they make it into my inbox.

I want a hover round! forward that to me! ;)

Camlin said...

Yeah, I get emails about hot guys in my area all the I need any of that....

Girl Fires said...

Voce nao gosta a letra en o otro lingua mas eu sai que ce precisa abrir poquinho.

I hate those things too. It sounds like someone sold you out. You should hunt them down.

vixen kitten said...

Blazer wins the lifetime best comment ever! *snort*


CrackerLilo said...

Totally sympathize. Also, I'm not sure if it's the panda-loving thing or the interior decorating thing, but lots of people think I want to hear about bamboo flooring.

I don't have a car, but when that e-mail service for wives comes up, I want it. (Actually, L'Ailee already has a text message/voice mail service.)

And Blazer, that was just plain awesome. :-)

latenightlatte said...

honestly, the work e-mail spam -- exactly the sort of crap you described -- makes me far more annoyed than the occasional viagra e-mail. though it was quite humorous when those started making it thru that spam filter...

Monkey Outlaw said...

LOL or the Vigra ones! I just changed my email because I was getting so much junk ... all kinds of good feelings when I open it and it's just friends!