Sunday, February 21, 2010

I'm Not Really...

"I'm not really gay"....That's what Mrs Jude says all the time.

I'm her first and she claims her last woman because she's not gay. My head does the Ziggy side to side tilt when she says that too. She tells me she doesn't look at women the same as I do and other women don't turn her on. Yet she's with me so I've never been able to figure that whole thing out so I've always laughed it off.

Recently though she's changed her mind.

Rewind to the Palm Springs weekend when we were sitting at the bar and four very pretty Latino women walked in. Two very prominent Butches and two Femmes walked by us to go to the outside bar and Mrs. Judes head swiveled like the Chuckie doll and she declared at that moment...

Mrs J: Ok, I'm gay.

Me: What do you mean you're gay? You're finally ready to admit that after all these years?

Mrs J: Yes. So what.

Me: What changed your mind?

Mrs J: Those women are hot.

Me: What about me?

Mrs J: Of course, you're still hot Silly. It's just those women have such an attitude about them, like they're proud of their women, no matter what size they are.

Me: *drinks another shot of Jagermeister* Well, I'm very proud of you and I love it when we're walking together; side by side, you in front of me or hand in hand.

Mrs J: I know. It's their gangster hat. I'll buy you one.

Me: *more head tilting* OK and I'll buy you a pair of black high heel boots.

Mrs J: But I'm not going to be able......

Me: *raises one eyebrow and smiles* Don't worry, you won't have to walk in them, believe me.

Mrs J: *smiles*


My Wife is finally gay. Will someone send me a fucking toaster please!

32 comments:

notjustafemme said...

finally, R!

Nulaanne said...

toaster on the way!

CrackerLilo said...

That's funny! It's interesting the mindgames people play with themselves. I bet you'll look great in your gangster hat. :-)

I talk about attractive men on my blog, but that's because that part of my 50/50 bi self needs to be vented somehow and my wife gets far more jealous of other women. She knows she's special and constantly amazes me, but not the only woman ever to turn my head. Now I can show her that this is a *good* thing!

Nicholas said...

i am sending R a huge toaster that can hold 6 slices!

it's funny when people finally come out!!

c

tanya said...

ha! love this story!

Ang said...

Laughing my ass off....haha what kind of toaster would you like

Haizey said...

Love this post, Mrs Jude is very funny :)

midlifenatalie said...

hahaha!

i had to go out and buy my own toaster oven.

i needed the affirmation it gave me.

funny stuff!

2momswithaplan said...

Woohooo!!!

Although... I was reading the lesbian toaster disclaimer and it said, "Offer not good after 5 years" I'm sorry but you missed the deadline! ;)

vixen kitten said...

Hot Damn! Sounds like a good photo op!!

Come on. It's like playboy. I'm here for the enlightening articles, but oh my, the pictures! *wink*

Posing in boots isn't walking, right? I mean....it's just standing still. *nods head*

I love you both!


~vk~

greg said...

This made me laugh. Gf was the same way for a while when we first got together - thankfully, I didn't have to wait 28 years!

A Gangster hat worn right (by right I mean by a sexy butch. duh :) is sooo hot!

Jen said...

Yes R!!! Hahah.

aneke said...

ROFL!

Haaaa haa aha ha! That was funny!

I wasn't gay for years either, it must have driven my girlfriend mad.

Mel's Way or No Way said...

Mrs Jude is so sweet.

Sorry, I would never send you a toaster. I believe in much more fun and personal gifts. I would likely send you a pair of thigh-high fishnet stockings for the Mrs to wear with those boots. It's like giving a gift to both of you. *big grin*

Tina-cious.com said...

whew! Just in time! :)

Blazer said...

Fifteen years and counting...but seriously am not pushing her to any label she is not comfortable with.

Holden said...

Great story, made me smile on a rainy Monday!

AWJ said...

ahaha. This made me laugh. Completely new to reading your blog.. Glad I found it :)

downtown guy said...

I just dated a guy for the first time. He kept saying things like, "So now that you're gay..." but, honestly, I'm not. I'm no more or less bi than I ever was (which is to say, only vaguely). In fact, though it's been fun and he's a nice guy, I'd have to say that it's cemented in me the fact that I am nearly only sexually attracted to women.

That being said, this story cracked me up.

Dragon said...

LOL nice! Yay, she is finally out of the closet. ;-)

Yeah something about those latino chics, I know how that is. I am a softy for them too!

small town dyke said...

Yay for mrs Jude, I think you will both enjoy the boots!!!

Newbo said...

Lol! It's the other way round with me, J thinks i'm not really gay because i 'wasn't gay before her' yet i think i am, whether i thought i was before or not. Labels are confusing lol!

Real Live Lesbian said...

You've earned the stainless steel fridge by now! ;)

LilliGirl said...

priceless. :)

jelly said...

lol, that's great!!

Glad she finally 'came out'.

jelly said...

lol, that's great!!

Glad she finally 'came out'.

Camlin said...

My friends all argued over who got to keep the toaster when I came out to them...since they couldn't agree I had to keep it. I'll send it off to you :)

aj said...

hahahahahahaha

You deserve a toaster at the very least!

whichwaydidshego said...

That's hilarious. Love it!

~seelenschmerz~ said...

i LOVE this story! lol
it made my day...i hope that me and mine will be as happy and long-time together as the two of you...we'll see...Our wedding day is coming up in a couple of months.
have a great weekend :-)

Nikki and Michelle said...

Great. I dont know why its so hard to say hey im gay. Wait, yes i do...but it sure feels good
Nikki

Snooker said...

Reminds me of a T-shirt I've seen in the past. "I'm not gay, my girlfriend is".

Captcha:sucklike

Tee hee hee