Monday, April 5, 2010

Does She Miss Me When I'm With Her?

When I attended massage school we studied the eye ball in anatomy and that's when I found out about the scotoma or what is commonly referred to as the blind spot in your eye. There's a tiny area in each eye that does not contain image detecting cells. It's a natural blind spot and your brain fills in this blank from what the other eyeball is seeing so we don't actually see blank areas.

Haven't you ever gotten yourself into a situation where you say "where the fuck did that "blank" come from?" a car or a pedestrian? If you have, the dang thing was probably in your blind spot for a split second.

Anyway, you know I wouldn't be writing about this unless I had a story right?

Mrs Jude's scotoma must be getting bigger than normal. My proof .....

- Driving up a long steep incline, she passes a giant blue bus. She catches up to a poky car in the right lane and has to slow down and the bus passes us. She gets in the fast lane to pass poky and she also passes the bus. A minute later as we're still climbing up the mountain....

Mrs Jude: looking straight ahead "Boy that bus must be flying up the road!"
Me: puzzled, I look up ahead then look at her "Is it going to pass us again?"
Mrs Jude: looking in the rear view mirror "Oh, when did I pass it?"

See!, when we were going by the bus the second time, the whole fucking bus must of gotten into Mrs Jude's scotoma and her brain filled it in with the landscape on the other side of the road. She did not even see the bus when she passed it the second time. How fucking scary is that? Here's another incident, which occurred on the same day.

- Dinner was coming along just fine and everything was getting to the point of finishing being cooked. Mrs Jude's timing was perfect! Then the dogs had to go out. She took them out while I took over the meal details which was taking the big giant ham out of the oven and putting in the rolls. The ham is on the counter and she comes into the kitchen. (this is not a big nor giant kitchen either people)

Mrs Jude: "Where's the ham?"
Me: "It's on the counter"
Mrs Jude: "OK the vegetables are done, we just have to put them in a bowl"
Me: being my normal quiet self
Mrs Jude: Looking around "So where do you want to cut the ham?"
Me: "Anywhere is fine with me"
Mrs Jude: "Where's the ham?"
Me: "My god, it's right there, on the counter! Or maybe you need to look for it in the bus!"

See, again a large object fell right into her scotoma. I know she doesn't always hear what I'm saying and NOW I'm going to wonder if she's even fucking seeing me! Maybe I should start putting life size cardboard cut outs of me all over the place just in case and well, I don't want her to miss me when I'm here right with her.


lescook said...

You always make me laugh. Thank you!

jelly said...

lol, great story.
Poor Mrs. Jude, she sounds like a gem. :-)

CJ said...

I'm using this reasoning next time I leave my clothes on the floor. Couldn't see them honey! Thanks for the good explanation!

Kel said...

Oh I'm totally with CJ! Saaaweeeet explanation!!

P.S. My word verification is "couts" LOL Sorry, that struck me as funny and had to share!

CrackerLilo said...

I'm the one with the big blind spot in my relationship, so I'm remembering this for later! Since I'm a part-time interior decorator, my wife will say, "Please don't do that to your clients."

Laura Lee said...

half of me wonders if these incidents may point to an impending condition =o( The other half won't stop laughing at the cardboard cutouts!!! +oD

C said...

oh my god that is SO funny, jude! diane just read this and said it sounds just like me... cuz i will ask the same question over and over sometimes... and she said i am also begining to be hard of hearing....





NewBo said...

Hahahaha! x

Jessi said...

hahaha, this totally made me laugh!!

I like the cardboard cut out idea! ;)

2momswithaplan said...

LOL - Again, I know how Mrs. Jude feels. I'm the same way. I didn't know about the blind spot in the eye. I'll have to remember that so I can explain to Holly that it's natural and I'm not losing my mind. ;)

Dragon said...

I didn't know about the blind spot but makes sense in some situations I encounter. "I swear to god that car wasn't there a second ago"

Lol too funny on the stories!

vixen kitten said...

Honestly, I don't know how that sweet woman puts up with you!

Sheesh, I need to get my ass out there for a visit. It's obvious Mrs. Jude is destined for sainthood, and I want to be able to say I hugged her.

*hugs* for the grumpy one too. :)


Mel's Way or No Way said...

I imagine the poor woman is exhausted from keeping you entertained! ;)
I think Mrs. Jude needs to start dishing some dirt on you too. Com'on Mrs. J-we need to hear your side.
Now go give your wife a big hug. I'm sure you can sneak up on her if you stay in her blind-spot.

notjustafemme said...

hmm. I commented yesterday but it didn't show up.

this story had me rolling in giggles. I want stories like this to tell.
and while I completely love your Mrs. to death, I'd prefer to be the Jude in this one ;)