Thursday, May 20, 2010

#4 Ever Get That Itch?

Going back again to the series from Now Is Your Chance posting, BellyGirls asked some very serious questions around the dreaded 7 year itch, myth or truth? Hmmmmmmmm

You and Mrs. Jude have been together for a long time.

Holly and I are approaching 7 years and we hear all the time from people about the "7 year itch".
Is there a particular year that was harder for you two compared the other years spent together? Do you think the 7 year hump is really the hardest to overcome?

Mrs Jude:
I don't know if I ever had the itch or not, there was a time in our relationship when we were definitely growing apart. It felt like Jude was my room mate instead of my partner.

We had been commuting to work for over 7 years, spending two hours every day on the road and when we got home at night we were beat and it was taking a toll on us. We stopped doing our crazy things together. Then I started staying down by my work and hanging out with friends I worked with and Jude found interests and people closer to home. It just kept getting worst, no communications, no nothing, we became very distant towards each other and it was like we just shared a house. During this time there was no other person for me, I still loved Jude, go figure.

We did finally talk one day and decided we needed to get away. We went to the Jersey shore and acted like we just met, the way it had been years ago. We made a commitment to each other to never let our relationship get into that condition again and now 15 years later our relationship has never been better.

Pay attention to each others needs.

Oh yeah, I remember that time that my wife is describing. It was pretty horrible and I blame it on not quickly recognizing the root cause of the reason why we got into that non-loving time in our relationship. We both learned from it though and we made it through that tough time too. What was important was even though our relationship had fallen apart we really never gave up on each other. The rule we followed very strictly in our next two relocations was making sure we lived within a 15 to 20 minute commute to work.

So to answer the question, Yes! there could very well be a 4 year, 7 year, 14 year, 25 year (you're getting my point here I hope) itch and it's important to recognize what's going on right away and then make the choice of either rectifying what's happening or worst case ending the relationship. Luckily we choose the former and we both couldn't be happier in our lives right now.

What we find important in our relationship is open communications, making "us" our priority, laughing and playing every day, taking time out to notice the other, fantastic and regular sex (come on, it wouldn't be me if I didn't mention something about dessert). Listen, with the scare I just went through this past November I received a hard, smack in my face, wake up call. I don't sweat the small shit anymore and what I have in Mrs Jude is something I wouldn't be able to put a price on nor trade in for the world. I am so fucking in love with her. I'll always be ready give that itch a big bad butch fight if it dares to come around again. Just try.

Thanks BellyGirls! Mrs Jude and I talked the other night by writing about that bad time was a good exercise. It made us think about what we had almost lost and oh boy, the dessert that night was great! ;)


Jessi said...

Oh Jude, I love you! Thanks for sharing part of your life with us.

I have SOOO not been there yet, but it's good to know for the future! :)

LilliGirl said...

I love this post. So many people are shooting for the long lasting love you have. I'm glad you didn't let it slip away!

Mel's Way or No Way said...

I love the fact that you two hung together and found the romance again. So many people give up too easy.

We had a similar situation several years ago. Yeah, definitely more roommates than lovers. Mostly just life pulling us in differnet directions. I'm so happy we found our way back and happy you did too. Hugs to you both.

Propane Amy said...

Jude and R... What I saw in person in San Diego was the most awesome display of love and affection in a relationship such as yours. I was in awe of you two and couldn't help but watch you two interact. You are both amazing women and I feel very fortunate to have met you both.

Love you tons, Big Papa!

Jen said...

Thanks for sharing the truth with us, both of you. I think it takes a lot of courage to write about the not so good times along with the good.

So happy you two stuck it out as well :) Lessons to be learned are everywhere ...


Big Momma said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Thank you both for your answers!

I will say that after 6 1/2 years of being together, Holly and I have had a few itches but somehow, some way we are able to find each other again and fight for our relationship.

Lets face it, relationships are not easy! But when you find someone who is worth all the heartache it gives you something to fight for.

I'm so happy that my question was able to provide a little something special to your night! ;)

Anonymous said...

I love your honesty, buddy (and you too, Mrs. Jude). I think this kind of thing happens to so many couples, but they just give up. It speaks volumes about your love that you were willing to revisit what your relationship was all about.

I also really like your rule about the commute. The little things like that really help relationships, I think.

Anonymous said...

damn it. I cried at this one.
you two... you amaze me more all the time. I feel so fortunate to know you both.
your honesty is so admirable. I admire that you came back from such a tough time. love is amazing like that.
thanks for sharing the good and the bad. and for the smile you put on my face when I read about your love.

Anonymous said...

You both should realize how much your honesty is helping others - thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You two are amazing.

~seelenschmerz~ said...

wow...i'm def keeping this blog piece handy...coming on the heels of my own wedding day to wifey 3 days ago, there's some really good advice in this piece

thank you for sharing