Monday, May 3, 2010

I See Straight Women

Most of the times I can keep my sarcasm in check when talking to our family members who are straight (actually, most of them are straight). There is one member who I have to really hold back on since she's a very strict born again (BA). I'm sure she voted Yes on 8 so I try to stay clear of her. Don't get me wrong, I love my extended family. They quickly took me into the family much faster than mine took in Mrs Jude but that would be another story or three.

Anyway, we (Mrs J, and S&G who are the cool family straight married couple) are at the gay bar and there happens to be a bachelorette party going on with probably around 10 women. Why in fucks sake a bunch of straight women would want to go to a gay bar for this special party is beyond my comprehension. Safe? pfft....whatever.

So Miss Soon to be Married to a Man is walking around with a lit up crown of itty bitty penises. Funny! O-kay fine, let me get back to smooching with my Honey and drinking some beers.

The B-party-ers are having a good time letting out their giggles whenever it deemed appropriate. Then the gay boy dancer goes over to them and it all gets very loud with screeches that remind me of finger nails going across a black board (my gosh, that's got to be an obsolete sound by now). The half naked boy dancer with mr. happy in his spandex begins his moves on Miss Soon to Be and all the other women whip out their cell phones to take pictures. This goes on for the next half hour or so until the party disappears. Thank you fuckers! The bar is back to normal now and I'm checking out the gays, lesbians, bi's, trans, drinking beers and smooching with my Honey.

The next day we had to explained to our family members, who were lounging pool side, what went on at the bar.

BornAgain: So how was last night? Did you have a good time?

Me: Yeah, we all had a great time.

BA: S&G had a good time too?? (and that's what cranked up my sarcasm)

Me: They sure did, why wouldn't they?

BA: (she got that A-oh look on her face)

Me: Would you believe that a bunch of straight women were at the bar? For a bachelorette party no less?

Woman Cousin: I know a lot of women who go to those bars for parties.

Me: Well, that's o-kay but when they start gyrating against the gay dancers, man, that's just plain disgusting. I don't want to see that shit. That's one of the many reasons why I'm gay!


Yeah, well, I see straight people. Don't we all? But sometimes, as in every once in a while, I don't want to.


greg said...

I wonder how the gay dancers feel about that.

vixen kitten said...

Oh my. I wanna hang out poolside with y'all!

You always put a smile on my face, Sugar!


crystal said...

I love hearing other people's uncomfortable family stories!! Thanks for giving me a laugh :)

I do hate though the whole bachelorette party at a gay bar thing! We are not spectacles at a zoo people! Go flaunt your legal ability to get married somewhere else!!!

C.I.W. said...

you mean this happens all over the country? There are bars here that have banned bachelorette parties explaining-- 98% of our customers can't get married, and we don't want it rubbed in their faces that you, straight "suck for a buck", penis straw toten', classy tiarra wearin' girl can.

Mel's Way or No Way said...

I know plenty of straight people who go to gay bars but I don't usually think of bachlorette parties.

One of the women I work with is getting married in June and I was fed up listening to her bitch about planning her wedding. I finally told her to be thankfull she had the right. No more least to me. :)

C said...

i hear ya! i'm sure it's done all in fun but it bothers me that they will use a gay bar "for protection" then prolly be on the side that ridicules gay stuff in real life. to those that do this, COME 'ERE, BITCHES, AND LEMME ME TEACH YOU SOME RESPECT! I'LL HIT 'EM WIFF ME GIMPY ARM THAT HAS THE ROD IN IT, AND THEY WONT BE TALKIN MUCH WHEN I GET DONE WIFF 'EM.


fucking cunts, they are. take your right to marry and shove it up your skanky ass.

on a different note, family dynamics never fail to amuse, do they? straight women just dont realize how easy they have it. they take it for granted that they can marry and be proud and excited about it. which they should. however, where is their compassion and understanding for us other women, who cant? them celebrating an upcoming marriage at a gay bar is like bombing for peace or, fucking for virginity. it just doesnt make sense.
i think it should be banned from gay bars.

sorry i got a lil heated but that really pissed me off.

anyway, yeah, i'd love to be poolside with you n the mrs. it would be such fun!


2momswithaplan said...

Hmmm... we had our bachorlette party at a gay bar and we are gay! I wonder though if others in the bar found it offensive but I assure you that we were not wearing penis beads around our necks. I was, however, wearing a tiara because let's face it, I'm a fucking princess. :)

Jen said...

Ha! Love it and love the snarky remark to your BA.

Ahhh, I can't wait till we get to hang out!

notjustafemme said...

BAs can be hard to handle. sarcasm is a must.
oh, family... said...

I hate those GD straight bachelorette parties at the gay bars. That's kind of like one of our safe places, you know?

I go to our gay bar with some of my straight friends, and they get the MOST irritated by those parties, because most of the time the women are all completely shitfaced and disrespectful to everyone else in the bar.