Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Buzzed Out


I was looking forward to getting out of the house this past Monday night. It's our usual Margarita Monday with friends at a local Mexican canteen. With Mrs Jude being away in Jersey, I was more than ready to relax and not be worried about making dinner and doing all that other normal night shit. I met up with the crew, we laughed, ate great food and I limited myself to two margaritas. It was a nice two hours away from everything. Getting home my plan was to take the dogs out then watch some TV and enjoy the light margarita buzz I had going. Didn't happen.

Harley the bigger dog, goes outside loose without a leash. She stays in the yard and accepts the two foot high fence in the front as a boundary. Ziggy, the little red shit, is taken out on one of those retractable leads. The three of us were out in the yard when Harley runs to the front and starts barking. She was warning us about the little chihuahua that was being walked or actually paraded up the road with six people. On hearing Harley barking, Ziggy figured he had to help out his big sister and ran to the front. I expected the retractable to stop him in his tracks around 2 feet in front of the fence. Instead there a big pull and the whole line came free, the little shit had gotten off the lease. Two quick strides and one easy leap he's over the fence charging after the chihuahua and then Harley does a jump over to help him.

I'm still planted where I was trying to figure out what the fuck happened when I hear some growling going on and then I followed suit and did a less than graceful hop over the fence too. What the fuck, why not. By the time I got into the middle of the pack of three dogs and six parading people, one person has picked up the chihuahua and was straight arm holding the dog over his head. He had to hold her up this high because of two reasons. One, he was short and two, Ziggy was doing his five foot high repeated vertical bounce. The other five people scattered for safety while they chattered up a storm in Spanish. By this time Harley is off to the side following her nose. I'm still trying to catch the little fucker, going around in circles, yelling at Ziggy to stay. Right in the middle of a bounce the guy with the dog hat kneed Ziggy in the chest and said he would knock him out. I politely told him if he did that I would give him a swift kick in his kahoonies. I don't think he knew what I meant. Finally I yelled to the people "Would you all please stand still so I can get my dog!" I got him; Ziggy, not the kahoonees.

I lost my nice little buzz because of that little fucker.

8 comments:

Blazer said...

We have three dogs and walking them is anything but relaxing. One has legs so short that we end up carrying her by the end. One walks in a zig zag in front of you and never warns of sudden stops right where you were about to step. The third wants to be friends with everyone, even the giant rottie snarling with drool running out of his mouth. Yeah, always an adventure!

Mel's Way or No Way said...

Look what happens when the wife is away and you're in charge of the kids. :)

Can I even express how much that tickled me to read you told him him you would kick him in the kahoonies? I have a great mental image of you trying to catch that spring-loaded Ziggy...it's probably more funny since I'm buzzed myself.

bellygirls said...

That's a great story.

Small dog, big personality!

greg said...

I love this story but especially the way you told it - I felt like I was there watching it all go down. Very, very funny.

small town dyke said...

lol only you !

C said...

lmfao... although it prolly wasnt funny at the time. i am glad you retrieved the lil shit before someone got hurt!

canihelpyousir said...

My money is on you and your swift kicking. I love your storytelling, buddy. I also love that photo!

justlikejessejames.com said...

I love this story!