Wednesday, August 17, 2011

It's Been One Hell-of-a-Summer

Major life changes happen all the time to everyone. I know I'm not alone in this little fact. We had one here at the end of May and I'm still struggling to get use to our new circumstance.

My Dad had a mini stroke. He called me in one night and asked for help to get into bed. I new right away what had happened and told Mrs Jude to dial 911. He was being seen by the ER doc 30 minutes later. Two surgeries, his carotids were 98% blocked, a week and a half of hospital stay and he was back home.

Then for 6 or 8 weeks, crap I can't remember how long it was, we had a parade of strangers marching into the home. The physical therapist, occupational therapist, nurses and my Dad's favorite the personal assistant who would help with his showering, were all here twice a week. These eight, hour long visits were being scheduled around my work day. I can't say enough how lucky I am to work from home.

Mrs Jude went on vacation in June to visit the grand kids, I stayed home. I was going to stay home anyway so I don't even know why I'm including this part. Could be because I'm feeling trapped?

Today, he's getting around with the aid of a walker. It's a step up, or I guess really down, from his cane that he was using prior to the stroke. All of his meals need to be prepared now since he no longer can make his own. Good news is I took the car keys from him and I take him to all of his Dr's appointments. The bad news is I'm constantly fighting a depression.

I know I'm lucky to have him. I mean really, he's 91. I get to see him every day and my two brothers haven't seen him in a few years. Mrs Jude and I found a nice assistant living place where he can go for a week or two if she and I decide to go away on vacation. So that took care of that feeling of being trapped.

My exercise and diet has gone to hell and I know it's up to me to get back into the swing of taking care of me. Maybe that's the important part of me that's missing right now. I don't know but I have to do something to get me back on a steady happy.


Anonymous said...

Oh, Jude. That's a LOT to take in and adjust to. It's no wonder you're feeling out of sorts.

I think you're right - getting back to you IS important. I know it's often hard to find the time when there are a hundred other things to take care of, but it's also good to remember that you can't take care of those things if you're not feeling whole amongst yourself. Make the time, even if it's just a tiny bit to start with.

I'm glad you guys found a place where he can go if you need to get away. Maybe that's a good option to take advantage of sooner rather than later.

I'm glad your dad is doing all right. Hug R for me and take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

It makes perfect sense that you feel depressed - your life has been twisted - you are feeling exactly what you should be feeling at this time.

As life settles a bit find time to incorporate exercise into your day. It helps in a way that not much else does. Even taking a long walk is a good way to start. You'll come back around before you know it. Hugs to you. xoxo

lyon de clarasvals said...

I understand. I'm there with you right now. We are so lucky to have them with us, but it's hard also, day after day. Your freedom is gone for awhile and you now have to do it all. Then you feel guilty again when you complain a little because you know how lucky you are.
It's a crazy circle.

Mel's Way or No Way said...

I'm so sorry to hear about all this with your dad.

It's never easy to transition from child to caregiver. Don't beat yourself're doing a wonderful thing taking care of him.

Take care of yourself babe and I'm sending BIG hugs yor way.

vixen kitten said...

You are amazing. And I love you, and think the world of you.

That's it. I have no wise words of widsom. Just go with your heart.

Sending lots of hugs.


Jude said...

You gals ROCK!

thanks so much

C said...

wow, you have had so much going on. bless your little dykey tootsies. i am sorry about your dad, he is such a cute grampa kind of guy. yes, its true, you ARE lucky to have him, BUT, if you lose focus of taking care of yourself, there will be NO you there, to take care of him, and enjoy your life. i've been there. you have to put yourself first, even if you think that sounds selfish, it isn't. and that depression is part of the grieving process cuz somewhere in the back of your mind, this scared the shit out of you, making you realise he won't always be there. so please, be gentle with your cute lil self, jude... you deserve it.

hugs, sistah.


LilliGirl said...

Ugh! I'm sorry man. Seems to have been a rough summer in more than one corner of the world. I hope your Dad is still happy though and I have a feeling he is. Seems to me aging is always hardest on the younger generation. (HUGS)

Camlin said...

Hugs to you and Mrs Jude...and your dad.