7senses

Blow and Swing

2011-08-23T10:58:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend I noticed a brightly colored whistle on the hutch and I asked Mrs Jude if she wore it when walking Ziggy in the early morning hours. She said "no". End of story? well, almost.

Monday very early in the morning, like we're still snoozing in bed, well I was anyway until she placed her hand on my shoulder. Waking up right away I thought it was going to be a morning delight start but no, she was just trying to stop me from making snoring noises so she could hear clearly.

Coyotes. A fairly good size pack were yelping in the next neighborhood behind us. It's not unusual to hear them around here. We are in coyote land.

About a hour later Mrs Jude marched into the bedroom to announce she and Ziggy had the stick AND whistle with them on their walk.

I told her "that's good" and now I won't worry when they go walking in the break of dawn with her coyote stick and whistle! Or should I?

and there's no way am I going to tell Mrs Jude that the whistle touched Ziggy's little richard either!

My BAD

2011-08-18T15:38:00.000-07:00

I definitely have to get better at this....

I don't know how people do it....

(this and it meaning ....

being taking care of other people while still

keeping yourself somewhat together)

BUT...

One book and One Zip Up Pack left on top of my CAR ROOF and

Two hours later, I found them!

They had fallen off at my first right turn

and patiently stayed towards the middle of

a fairly busy four lane roadway.

I'm sure the elastic band is what saved the

book from turning into pages in the wind.

The Zip Up Pack didn't fare as well.

The original content was 3 items.

When I found and opened it up,

Ten parts came tumbling out.

I'll check later to see if the mini ipod still works.

Right now,

It's FCK'N Miller Time.

It's Been One Hell-of-a-Summer

2011-08-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

Major life changes happen all the time to everyone. I know I'm not alone in this little fact. We had one here at the end of May and I'm still struggling to get use to our new circumstance.

My Dad had a mini stroke. He called me in one night and asked for help to get into bed. I new right away what had happened and told Mrs Jude to dial 911. He was being seen by the ER doc 30 minutes later. Two surgeries, his carotids were 98% blocked, a week and a half of hospital stay and he was back home.

Then for 6 or 8 weeks, crap I can't remember how long it was, we had a parade of strangers marching into the home. The physical therapist, occupational therapist, nurses and my Dad's favorite the personal assistant who would help with his showering, were all here twice a week. These eight, hour long visits were being scheduled around my work day. I can't say enough how lucky I am to work from home.

Mrs Jude went on vacation in June to visit the grand kids, I stayed home. I was going to stay home anyway so I don't even know why I'm including this part. Could be because I'm feeling trapped?

Today, he's getting around with the aid of a walker. It's a step up, or I guess really down, from his cane that he was using prior to the stroke. All of his meals need to be prepared now since he no longer can make his own. Good news is I took the car keys from him and I take him to all of his Dr's appointments. The bad news is I'm constantly fighting a depression.

I know I'm lucky to have him. I mean really, he's 91. I get to see him every day and my two brothers haven't seen him in a few years. Mrs Jude and I found a nice assistant living place where he can go for a week or two if she and I decide to go away on vacation. So that took care of that feeling of being trapped.

My exercise and diet has gone to hell and I know it's up to me to get back into the swing of taking care of me. Maybe that's the important part of me that's missing right now. I don't know but I have to do something to get me back on a steady happy.

A Special Treat

2011-08-11T12:45:00.000-07:00

Mrs Jude and I thought this would be a nice little summer treat for our dogs, Ziggy and Harley. Little cups of frozen doggie bliss. The package of four went into the freezer three weeks ago. One weekend I opened up the pack, got a cup out and had the hairy kids share it. I kept count of the licks. They loved it! Then what usually happens is what's in the freezer gets forgotten for a while, until last weekend I remembered and decided it was time for another treat hand out.

When I opened up the box there were only two cups left. WTF?

I immediately asked Mrs Jude if she had given the dogs a cup. She said no. Then I spied Dad, sitting at the dining room table. I took the box over to him and shouted...."did you have one of these?" He looked at me, looked at the box, looked back at me....since he didn't give me a verbal responce I asked again louder so the whole fucking neighborhood could hear.

He said "No, I don't think so, I like jello".

He ate one of these. He had too. It's not like Harley can help herself into the freezer. He ate a frosty paws! At least it doesn't have sugar but the outer carton does say, "not for human consumption".

I wonder if Dad had a little audience watching him while he was slurping it up. Which reminds me, I need to make sure jello is on the shopping list for this week.

Cleaning My Closet

2011-05-21T07:33:00.000-07:00

Today, where ever I go,

I will be leaving a pair of shoes and a pile of clothing.

just because

She Still Makes Me Laugh

2011-05-17T09:09:00.000-07:00

Mrs Jude: calling from work Hey Jude, when you get a chance could you look for my cell phone. I think I lost it. The last time I remember....

Me: Just call the number.

Mrs Jude: What?

Me: Call your cell phone.

Mrs Jude: Ok, good bye.

Me: NO! Don't hang up.

Mrs Jude: Well, how am I suppose to call...Oh, you mean put you on hold while I call?

Me: Yes.

Mrs Jude: OK she puts me on hold

Me: Listening for but not hearing her cell phone ring

Mrs Jude: comes back Never mind. I found it. It's somewhere in my purse. I only have to find it in there but I heard it in my purse.

Me: LOL

Training for Retirement

2011-05-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

I'm preparing myself for my well earned retirement days. NO, I don't have a date set yet, it's still far into the future as in years and there's no need to provide any wiseass remarks either ;)

I've heard how some people don't know how to handle their retirement days and I can understand why. When your years have been with a certain group of people on a daily bases and that group is no longer part of your days, that can make for a big hole to fill. I'm not going to have that problem. In fact right now it's work that is getting in the way of my retirement training.

Here's the dilemma that I'm facing today.

What summer classes to choose.......

     Piano for the beginner - either Monday or Thursday evening
     Intermediate Ukulele - Thursday evening
     Guitar - Wednesday evening
     Jazz Guitar - Monday evening
     Pickle-ball - Saturday afternoons

I would LOVE to be able to take all of those classes but knowing I would have some time constraints (thanks to work) I'm allowing myself only three of the above options. I'm having a heck of a time deciding.

B-day Weekend

2011-04-23T09:59:00.000-07:00


view from our room

Mrs Jude's birthday is coming up on Monday. We've been celebrating it since Thursday because that's how we roll.

She's the little gambler in the family and since the casino where we like to deposit our money recently opened up a hotel, what better present to give her but an overnighter at the place. We packed our duffel bags, cruised up to the place, got into our room where I immediately opened up a bottle of Cab.

We were meeting our cousins later for the lobster buffet so we hung out in the room for a while, drank the wine and marveled at the gorgeous view. But then the machines called. What can I say, I was down 40 bucks before the cousins showed up for lobster.

Over all, we had a great time and Mrs Jude had fun loosing money. Getting away together for a night is always a good thing for us to do and hotel sex rocks.

We didn't care that we came home losers, there's more planned for her birthday weekend celebration....boccie ball tournament, margaritas, family get together, music jam session, birthday cake, more margaritas with friends.....three more days plus some.

Happy Birthday Mrs. Jude. I'm so in love with you.

Where the Sun Don't Shine

2011-04-19T15:11:00.000-07:00

DudeMan! Can't you feel that something is terribly wrong?

I mean, really!

My New Stars

2011-04-08T11:19:00.000-07:00

It's getting close to summer time now and I can't wait. Not so much for the heat to arrive in full desert force but more to have the longer and lighter days for playing and frolicig. Plus, to be able to go back wearing shorts and t-shirts with sandals, flip flops or just bare ass footed. Yes, the freedom days are right around the corner.

And now it's time to contemplate on where life is taking us.

OK, enough of that contemplation crap let's get this party on a green light go street. Come on summer, give me a blast and a big bold boob squishing hug. This butch bitch is ready.

What a Night!

2011-03-30T13:52:00.000-07:00

We went to the Gaga concert last night. OMFCKNGosh!

What a time we had.

There was an article in the morning paper how there was going to be a big traffic jam in San Diego around the normal afternoon rush hour. Between the Gaga concert and some major Mexican soccer event that was expecting 60 thousand fans, traffic was going to be at a stand still. We left a hour early and breezed right through to Gaga passing only one vehicle with a "viva la soccer!" sign. I turned to Mrs Jude and said "how come we didn't write Monster Car on ours?"

So two 50 something Lesbians (us) mingled with a shit load of age ranges. So many girls, ladies and mens were dressed up like Gaga. It was funny watching the very young ones attempting (more like failing) their walk in their overly high and spiked shoes. Saw a lot, A LOT of exposed ass cheeks which for the most part, made me smile. Finally the gates opened and I headed right over to the hot dog and beer stand. Priorities.

The opening act was Scissor Sisters who after their 4th song told the audience if they heard of the group then they're either gay or English. I have their Night Work album/cd/wtf so I turned to Mrs Jude and told her that I fell into the being gay category to which she replied she was glad to hear that.

Lady Gaga was outstanding. The choreography, dancers, musicians the whole concert was well worth the money, time and next day concert hung over feeling we both felt. Earlier this morning while I was still in bed, I noticed my mind sounds turned from the constant machine pounding to a salvation army bell ringing, I knew right then I had survived another concert.

That Was a Long One

2011-03-16T09:12:00.000-07:00

I know, it's been a while. I've been busy and I still haven't told you what's keeping me so busy. Soon.

Anyway, Mrs Jude and I were at our newly found Italian restaurant the other night. I think I was on my second glass of wine when I began observing something.

Step back for a minute and let me preamble with my view on religion. I have religion but I'm not sure how it fits into the many religious flavors one can choose. I respect everyone's religious views or none as long as their views do not impact my own life. So when I see some one at a restaurant take time out of their conversation and bow their heads over their just delivered meals to do their thankful thing, I respect the action. It doesn't bother me nor does it make me uncomfortable. In fact I usually enjoy watching the private(?) act. I look to see who's doing the talking, see if anyone is peeking through their eyelids, see if they're holding hands or if anyone becomes fidgety etc. So back to the other night....

The table of three across the room from us was made up of two women and a man. They all came into the restaurant at a different time with the man arriving last. He could have dropped off the second lady while he went to park the car. Their talk was about catching up on things until their appetizer arrived at which time their heads bowed down. No big deal, right?

Well, let me tell you after about 20 seconds went by I told Mrs Jude that the people at the table behind her were praying for a long time. Mrs Jude just looked at me.

15 more seconds Me: "They're still at it"
                  Mrs Jude: "You're kidding"
15 more seconds Me: "Wow, they're still going, it's a good thing they got the cold antipasto"
                  Mrs Jude: "How's the antipasto look?"
15 more seconds Me: "They must be praying about Japan now and I think the one lady has fallen asleep."
                  Mrs Jude: "They're still praying?"
15 more seconds Me: "Holy shit, we must be in big trouble"
15 more seconds Me: "They're done! Wow, that was the longest restaurant prayer I ever saw"
                  Mrs Jude: "You're funny"

Really, it was pretty dang long, almost as long as a church prayer. I hope it works.

Hard to Believe

2011-02-14T07:48:00.000-08:00

Wow. Twenty nine years! 29.
It's hard to believe we've been together that long.
You are definitely the love of my life.
We've must of been kids when we met each other. ;)
That was very special night when you let me give you a kiss five minutes before

Valentine's day was over.
The kiss that melted my heart.
I love you as much as ever, maybe even more.
Happy Valentines Day My Love,
and
Happy Anniversary.
XXOO

My New Love

2011-01-23T13:07:00.000-08:00

For the past four months I've been going out one night a week. I've been busy with a new interest in my life which is one of the reasons why my time in the blog world has dropped.

Last week, my night out went from one to two nights a week and I'm getting very serious with a new love. I'm attempting not to get too excited since it's only been a week with the new. You know how your mind can get to a euphoric state with a fresh challenge. Let me tell you though, last Thursday night was so blissful, I can't wait for that night to get here again.

I'll see if I can get a picture of her to post and of course I'll be writing more here soon too. For now though, I need to go back to my little happy place.

I've Slept with What??

2011-01-19T12:31:00.000-08:00

I like to recognize stressors quickly and if possible, remove them from my field of life. Since I'm a firm believer that I am in control of my universe, I have the power and the ability to rid myself of those stressors. I've hit a wall.

Not to brag here but I've accomplished some serious shit in my life so far (as I'm sure each of you have too).

Firefighter.
Slept with buffalo.
EMT.
Backpacked the Grand Canyon.
License Massage Therapist.
Employment by the same company for almost 30 years, a rarity in this day and age.
Biked 600 miles in 7 days in Montana.
Four collage degrees.

Some pretty good success stories.

As far as the stressor is concern, I've hit the same wall over and over again and I'm having a hard time knocking it down or climbing over it. Those demons have been...
weight watchers
nutrisystems
medfast
atkins
vegetarian
south beach
portion control
raw

All of those fuckers have turned into walls for me.

Two weeks ago I went to my regular doctor. My hot, blonde, big breasted Dr. that hugs me every time she sees me wasn't happy with me. She suggested that I do the medifast diet again. So I've looked into it and noticed some changes from the last time I was on it. My box of soy shit arrived at the end of last week and today is day 4 on the diet. I'd be lying if I said everything was honky dory but I'm doing it.

I have to do it and really, I've slept with buffalo, I should be able to handle this soy shit.

First of Many

2011-01-04T15:10:00.000-08:00

...Dr's Office visits. Sometimes he goes on his own but certain ones, I like to take him. This one today was a taker.

Nice sunny day too. He's into layers.

He didn't understand why he had to fill out more papers for this visit since he had already been to this office once before.

Then we waited and I took pictures. It's the first time I noticed that he's customized his shoes.

After a shot in the spine and a neck MRI I asked him if he wanted some lunch. Here he is checking out the jelly. He's a trooper alright.

(App used:Lo-Mob)

I Like Time Off

2011-01-02T17:00:00.000-08:00

Let me rephrase that, I LOVE time off from work. Who doesn't right?

The week off around Thanksgiving was great, then the two weeks off for Christmas and New Year's was out of this world!

Soon it will be time to go back to reality. One more day of bliss then BAM!

Soon, A New One

2010-12-31T19:46:00.000-08:00

New Year's resolutions and I don't get along. Every time I make them, the opposite usually occurs.

Number one on the list is the lose weight goal and instead of losing, I gain. So much for that eating healthier idea that should be floating around in my brain cells instead bring on the refried beans and margarita's.

Another one that's been on my list for the past three years is getting serious with my photography. I've had a NYIP course sitting on the shelves and I have yet to send in one piece of course work. Every year I say I'm going to do more of the photography that I love to do and begin the course but instead I only doodle and dabble in picture taking without one hint of seriousness. Well lucky me, since the course was paid in cash, I still have one year to complete it. There's still hope.

Living lighter, meaning getting rid of some material crap. Have you ever read those blogs of people that only have 50 items of possessions? Underwear and socks count as one item, but still, I often wonder how those people do it. It's got to be spiritually refreshing and free to not have all the clutter. I tried it last year and it worked for about a week. I got rid of some crap but by the end of the week I replaced it with other stuff. Fuck that.

So this year I'm going to make one and only one resolution. I'm NOT going to do jack shit. Let's see how this one rolls out for 2011.

Happy New Year everyone!

Peace, Love and Boob Squishing Hugs.

Why Did You Do That?

2010-12-09T22:51:00.000-08:00

Listen to me my little buddy, I saw what you did last night when we came in together from being outdoors.

The cat was standing in the doorway doing his best impression of a tripping hazard then he turned and walked away. At that moment you, for whatever reason stuck your nose in the cat's butt and you kissed it??? WTF!

It's a good thing you were already off your lead or else I would have yanked your little head right off your body. You licked the cat's butt hole!

I am never, ever going to let you kiss me again!

men!

What? or Qué

2010-12-08T09:44:00.000-08:00

Dad and his Spanish lessons.

Butch Tools

2010-11-28T16:04:00.000-08:00

Along with the typical hand tools and electronic gizzmos, I believe there is one tool that every butch should have in their possession, a bread machine.

Fresh baked bread is a total chick magnet. The whole idea of throwing the ingredients together in a little tub, setting the machine controls to the proper bread type and turning it on might have some believing that method is a total cop out in the whole home made bread making business. And I can understand those thoughts. I use to be a die hard, dough pounding, kneading bread maker butch but then I bought my first bread machine. The first time I used that wondrous machine I found out the end result was the same, if not better. The last 30 minutes of the making cycle is when the bread bakes and it's this time when the mind blowing, baking bread aroma permeates through your home. When the beeping noise sounds you're very close to spreading your pleasure on top of steaming hot bread.

We wore out the first bread machine and we're on our second. Bread machines are definitely, well designed butch tools. Trust me.

I know a very tasty and rewarding Honey Wheat bread recipe which I will gladly share.....

with other butches.

;D

He Makes Me Smile

2010-11-17T08:54:00.000-08:00

Digging It

2010-11-14T20:02:00.000-08:00

I love living in Southern California. Of all the places I've lived, this is definitely my favorite place. Yeah, it's expensive but with a proper budget in place living here is very doable. One thing that you can't beat here in the San Diego area is the weather.

We don't have the announcements of the seasons like other areas of the country. Summer is hot but it's dry. Spring and Fall are relatively the same thing with some cooler temps. Winter is usually our rainy season but that hasn't really been happening in the past few years. The fire season and the occasional free foot massages are the only two negatives for me about living here.

This weekend I've dug out my slacks and jeans to wear since it's gotten cooler. We're at a time where I might start out in jeans, switch to shorts mid day then end up with warm sweats for night. Layering the top is always a good thing.

What I totally love is our year round growing season. This means I get to plant a winter garden. That's what I did this weekend too, I planted the winter crop of cabbage, lettuce, beets, cucumbers and spinach. Beets are new to me so I can't wait to see how they grow. Sun location is a bit of an issue since the one side of my little square foot garden lacks the heat for most of the day so I am ending up with a smaller garden.

I might be using some pots along the back fence as the placement of the herb garden and building a greenhouse type covering for them. You can't beat fresh parsley when Mrs Jude decides to make some of her gravy (sauce) for spaghetti. So this week I'll be thinking about constructing a small, portable greenhouse so we can have freshly picked parsley from the garden in January. I like that plan. And I love this home.

Sun Buddies

2010-11-12T09:55:00.000-08:00

Some serious dog sunning going on here.

Oh! I'm sorry Ziggy, am I disturbing you?

Ah, ok back to some sunny doggie dreaming.

What a life!

In This Case, Normal is a Good Thing

2010-11-04T10:51:00.000-07:00

The results from my last weeks GYN Oncology check up came back "normal". I like that and so does Mrs Jude.

November 25th will be the one year mark of being cancer free. Thanksgiving day will forever be more than pilgrims and pumpkin pie for me, it will be a reminder of how fragile life can be.

Live, love, laugh and always make it count.

I'm A Player!

2010-10-31T19:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's official.

I am now part of the gang that hangs out in the garage picking up a jam.
Just this past weekend I led my fellow musician pals in my one and only song

that sounds like a song when I'm playing it,

Let It Be.

Six weeks of guitar 101 lessons are over
and with the help of my Dad's flute trade-in (his idea), I have my new (used) guitar.

The second round of lessons begins, we'll be learning some holiday music.

Jingle my bells!

Yes We Can-na-WHAT?

2010-10-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

It's got to be the best political button I've seen so far.....and it happens to be about a proposition that's on the California ballets this time around. Imagine that!

Last voting time we had to decide on the treatment of caged chickens and if the gays could get married. The chickens won, we lost.

Now this November we're voting on the legalization of weed, pot, cannabis, marijuana, whackatabacky, herb or any of the 100+ names there are for this shit.

I can't wait to see the results on this one.

I'm hoping 19 gets passed for one reason. When the elections come around in 2012 and IF a proposition needs to be added again for marriage equality, then maybe every right wing, hard ass, bigoted religious zealot will get high before voting and we would finally fucking win our equality! I mean because really, it's only a herb.

She Claims She Wasn't Trying to Kill Me....

2010-10-25T08:44:00.000-07:00

....nor make me bald.

In the past few weeks it seemed like everyone I knew was talking about changing their hair style. A few people got hair cuts, trims and whole hair transformations. Even Mrs Jude went into the salon and came home a different person. So I decided I wanted a change too.

Last Sunday I handed Mrs Jude a box of hair color that I had picked up a couple of months ago. I've been bugging her to do this and she's been convincing me that she loves the way I look with my gray. When I handed her the carton this time she just looked at me and she knew I was serious. I wanted to change my hair color.

She read the directions and I got the chair to sit on. She started to apply the first bottle of shit. I started to feel a burning sensation. She applied the second bottle of shit and rubbed it into my scalp. The burning continued more so than the other times I've had this wonderful process done. Once the two bottles were applied, she told me how long the shit had to stay on. I can't remember if it was 15 or 20 minutes, it didn't matter because it wasn't even one minute when Mrs Jude started to scream at me...."GET IT OFF".

I always get a little excited when she says that to me but this time there was a very different tone in her voice.

I stood there looking at her when she said again..."GET IT OFF NOW!!" "TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES AND JUMP IN THE SHOWER BECAUSE I USED THE WRONG SECOND BOTTLE"

For fucks sakes, no wonder my head felt like it was on fire.

No hair color change occurred and no bald areas have appeared. Hair transformation? I think I'll pass, thank you very much. It's funny how she ended up getting her way.

The Night was a Blur

2010-10-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

I should not leave it up to Mrs Jude to take an important picture.

We were sitting at the bar when the Palm Springs Rodeo Queen and King walked in and and stood right by me. I asked them for a picture and handed my phone to Mrs Jude. My bad because evidently, Mrs Jude was more excited as she attempted her own version of a panoramic view. I guess a video would have been better.

Lucky me, I ended up with more than one memory of that night.

Stop and Smell

2010-10-15T11:29:00.000-07:00

Life has been busy here and that's a good thing, I guess. It does make for an interesting challenge in prioritizing what things to devote my time too though. As you can see, blogging has taken a lower step, for now.

Time for a little catching up.

Guitar lessons - Having.A.Blast Only have one more week left and I think today, I'm going to go shopping for a guitar. I know what I want now and I better get one soon since I'll have to turn in the rental next week. BTW, the StrumNut guy, he's been sitting in the front and Cousin S and I have been sitting behind him so he hasn't been bothering us. Every week though he comes in and starts playing and singing way out of tune, Amazing Grace. He's a happy guy. This week though he got yelled at by a woman across the room...."SIR, We can't hear the instructor". S and I laughed. It's been fun and I definitely want to continue to play and learn.

My Dad is doing ok. Still going to PH for his back. He has some rough mornings getting around making 100 grunts and groans. But when the fitness Spa called to confirm our stay for next year and I asked him if we were going again? Shit, he turned into a kid with all smiles and said yes! So Walleyball in May for two weeks and I still have to break that news to Mrs Jude. Wish me luck.

Work has made a turn for me. I've been in a slump, bored with the shit I have to do but now working with my manager, we've made a decent plan to get me into something else. So, I'm looking forward and even a little excited to the new shift in my role.

Last weekend we went to a RV show and found the type we would someday buy. It was fun climbing into the different kinds of RV's and pretending. Mrs Jude even said that we would sell our house, buy a RV to live in and travel all around. I think my eyes popped out of my head because I never expected to hear that from her. Maybe she had a little heat stroke going on or something.

Mrs Jude got a new hairdo the other day. She's been a little bummed out so I suggested for her to go and get her hair done, you know colored and cut, professionally. One of our friends gave her a name of a hair dresser and she went in this week and came home all smiles. I'm still thanking the universe for that and for two reasons. One, I didn't have to yank her hair through a million holes in a stupid skull cap and two, she's very happy with the results.

This Saturday my Bro and Sis-in-law are showing up for a week stay. Mrs Jude and I are taking a couple of days off from work. On Sunday we leave to go to Palm Springs for 3 days. We're planning on going to a Sunday night drag show at the one bar we like to go to and we'll be at the pool during the day, shopping, eating, get some casino time in too oh, and Mrs Jude and I are looking forward to some hotel s.e.x. Which reminds me, maybe we shouldn't get adjoining rooms hey?

That's it for now. Hope you all have a great weekend.

Butch Fluster

2010-10-01T08:56:00.000-07:00

Mrs Jude and I went to the casino last night. This place has a delicious free (that ends up not being free, if you know what I mean) lobster buffet. When we were leaving the place I told Mrs Jude I had to go to the ladies room and well, here's the story.

The bathrooms are situated through the same, very wide open entrance. You walk through this entrance and make a right to go into the ladies room and left for the mens room.

I was wearing my typical outfit of cargo shorts, t-shirt and converse star sneakers. Yes, I looked butch and I guess the outfit along with my visible forearm and leg tattoos just confuses the hell out of people. The funny incident happened only in a matter of seconds but it's still making me laugh.

I was walking out of the ladies room nearing the doorway as three middle age Asian ladies were approaching to enter. They were lined up, one behind each other when the leader of the three suddenly looked a little confused and instead of continuing with what should have been a right turn she started going left. At this point I was only three feet away from her and still walking out. She left turned but then noticed the mens room figure sign which made her continue to go left resulting in a complete circle and her two followers did the same.

I kept on walking out through the circle parade and began laughing to myself because I knew exactly what just happened. I can't make this shit up and I have to love the havoc I sometimes cause when I have to use the ladies room.

When Mrs Jude walked out and saw me waiting for her she interlocked her arm into my arm and we proceeded to walk out of the casino. Causing confusion at the doorway of the ladies room then walking out with a beautiful Femme on my arm, I'm one very happy and lucky proud Butch.

Tiny Mind Waves

2010-09-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

Your Advise is Needed

2010-09-23T16:15:00.000-07:00

Last night was the second class of guitar lessons. At one point our instructor was leading 12 promising guitarists in playing our first song together, "let it be". I played my part along with the others of being a little behind in the beat, not strumming enough strings, strumming too many strings and just missing the chord completely. We massacred the song.

So where does your help come in?

There's a guy that sits behind me that bugs the hell out of me. The only thing that is stopping me from crowning his head with my guitar is, well it's not my guitar. Here's what he does.

When all the rest of us are quiet, listening to the instructor as he gives us pointers, Mr. Strumnuts is attempting to play the G chord. Since his pinkie is not flexible enough to reach out to the one string, he misses that last note. Now if he was doing this quietly it wouldn't bother me but he's playing his fucking heart out and killing the chord. I'm hearing his ugly while trying to listen to the guy that I payed to hear. For fucks sakes, isn't it just common courtesy to shut the fuck up while the teacher is speaking?

It's not just me either that he's bugging. I see everybody giving him looks and their own rendition of the evil eye.

Four more weeks of lessons to go and I think what I'm going to do next week is talk to the little shit before the class starts. Politely tell him that if he needs to play while the teacher is talking, use his quiet strumming technique because really I paid money to hear and be taught by an expert not some happy go lucky, doesn't practice during the week shit head.

What would you do?

She Can Sing If She Wants To

2010-09-20T10:35:00.000-07:00

I signed up for guitar lessons at the community center and I finagled Cousin S to join me too. In six weeks the two of us will be looking for the rest of the people to join our rock band. Well, maybe in six months or six years. Whatever. For now though, I've added another hobby to my list because so far, I am really enjoying the whole learning how to play thing.

The guitar pictured is the one I'm renting for the duration of the class. I'm already researching it's replacement. Acoustic? Electric Acoustic? Stick to the nylon or go to steel strings? There is a lot to decide and try out which only adds to the fun. I'm in no hurry to buy, at some point I'll start checking to see what's available from our the local pawn shops.

The other night I was practicing the three chords the teacher gave us for homework. No matter how I played them, Mrs Jude only heard one song in her head, Me and Bobby McGee and she was singing along. I doubt anyone else outside the house would have been able to place the singing and strumming together as the same song but she was having a good time with it and I was too. She loves whatever sound I get out of the guitar for now. I guess that makes her my first fan. I know what song I'll have to learn how to play first too, that is, learn how to play it better.

Don't Drop Everything

2010-09-16T19:37:00.000-07:00

My Dad has been having some back problems lately and had to go for a x-ray. Since he wasn't sure where the building was located in town, I took him.

We entered the waiting room, he promptly sat down and allowed me to do all the signing in and paperwork. Soon after it was completed a young woman entered the waiting room and called his name. I asked him if he wanted me to go with him, he said yes.

While walking down the the long corridor I explained to her she needed to talk loud enough for my Dad to hear her. We got to where we needed to be and she explained to him how to put the wrap around robe on. I could tell by his dazed eyes that he wasn't hearing a word she was saying. I told her, "he can't hear you". She upped her volume a half a decibel and I thought that's still now loud enough so I stood up and told her that I would help him with the robe thing. She seemed relieved, handed me the robe and I had just enough time to ask her if he needed to remove his underwear and she told me no, just his pants. I replied with a thank you and she was history.

My Dad and I both got into the 3X2 dressing room. He sat down on the bench seat, removed his fake laced, velcro strapped shoes and started removing his pants. I told to him "keep your underwear on". He continued to remove his pants while I tried to figure out the fucking wrap around robe. When I looked back at him he's got his undies down to his knees. I gasped and told him to, "KEEP YOUR UNDERWEAR ON". He looked up at me while he was still seat squirmed down his undies. I started to panic and told him to KEEP.THEM.ON at least two more times with each time getting louder until he finally got it. Why not just give me a stroke on the spot. By this time I heard various giggles outside the 3X2.

We figured out the robe thing and I quickly got out of the changing room afraid to look up because I half expected to see 20 people standing in the hallway in their underwear but lucky for me, that wasn't the case. My Dad can't hear shit which makes for my conversations with him far from private. Our time out together ends up being a story to tell for me plus who knows how many other people.

Role Reversals Are Not Recommended

2010-09-14T09:42:00.000-07:00

At least not in this household.

A couple of weeks ago, Mrs Jude was vacuuming and I was rearranging and cleaning the room I was setting up for my b&w film developing. She was on a break when I decided to vacuum my room. I should have known better to touch that big purple and gray thing.

First thing was I couldn't find the button to turn the friggin thing on then I couldn't find how to tilt it from the upright position. After pressing (hitting?) various buttons, knobs and other things with my fingers or feet I ended up with three odd looking parts of the vacuum on the floor. A-OH. I shouted for Mrs Jude to help me and well, I don't want to go there again with how she responded. A major butch fail on an activity that normally a very knowledgeable femme completes.

Then some minor plumbing replacement needed to be done so Mrs Jude took it upon herself to take care of it. I should have seen those warning signs but hey, how much can you fuck up replacing a toilet seat? Three trips to homo depot and two returns later, that's how much. Funny thing is too, every time she came home with a newer seat, it cost more than the one she had just returned.

Sunday's challenge was putting the new charcoal grill together. Fourteen steps and about a leisurely hour later it was done. She watched and I screwed. We know our places and we're both all right with staying in them too.

Can Straight Parents Raise Gay Kids?

2010-09-12T12:02:00.000-07:00

Think about it for a minute.

How many times have we read an article questioning the ability or so called lack of ability of gays or lesbians being able to raise children? If you ask me, it's been too many times. It's a no brainer for me, what kids need are an environment filled with love. Ok, so I know it's much more complicated than that but if the basics are covered, food, shelter, cool looking clothes, some form of electronics, and then love well, any single or two parent combo can provide a means for the optimal outcome.

What if the kid is gay? All those Family Value homophobic groups tout the importance of a stable family consisting of a man and woman who are married and obstinately declaring that way is the only foundation of a homogeneous family unit. What happens when a kid pops out gay?

Now let's take those exceptions out of this formula right now of those parents who are fine with that fact. I'm not dismissing those families, in fact they earn the highest praise because they open their hearts to the fact that one of their offspring are LGBT and they're still providing their kid a safe nurturing environment. It's those other families that I wonder about.

Google LGBT homeless youth and you'll find a slew of information across several years. One of the more current findings at this site shows that out of the youth population, around 5-10% are LGBT. It's a percentile we're used to seeing. What this report go on to show is based of the number of homeless youth in the US, anywhere between 20-40% fall into being LGBT's. So out of 2 million homeless kids, up to 800,000 could be LGBT! Looking at it either on the low end or the high end of the scale, it ends up being a very disproportional number.

The LGBT youth either runs away or gets kicked out of their homes because they no longer are living in a safe and loving environment by their straight parents. And that's only the beginning of their dilemma. Unavailable safe housing, higher drug/alcohol usage and higher suicide rates are the next obstacles for these LGBT homeless youth.

There are many articles and statistics available about this epidemic and hardly a thing can be found about straight parents dealing with the gay issue. I know there's PFLAG and I even ran across this very helpful site. I can't imagine what the LGBT homeless number would be without these positive support groups and organizations.

And then there's the horrific stories of the homophobic straight parents usually under the direction of a so called family value organization or religious group who sends the kid to the UnGay Boot Camp thinking that will correct the situation or now even karate lessons could save your son. If a LGBT kid survives those weeks at camp I'm sure they're heading out the door and into the streets as quick as they can say "praise the gay!.

So people, I'm worried which is why I ask the question, do straight parents have the means to raise gay kids because at least for today, the majority of LGBT's, who are our future, still come from straight parents.

Deja Pfhoo

2010-09-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

Doing the crossword and scratching the dog.

Growing up music was always an important part of our family. At a very young age, I remember the piano in the dining room but yet when it was time for me to have lessons that piano changed into hammond organ. Then in 4th grade it was time to try out a smaller instrument that I could carry to school. My Dad wouldn't allow me to learn the banjo or guitar since the strings would callus my fingers. (sigh) My Mother didn't want anything that would end up giving me permanent chipmunk cheeks. I ended up with a flute. You can imagine just how excited I was at that parental decision. I had to figure out a way to get out of the flute mess so I kept complaining about how blowing into it was making me dizzy all the time. Lame right? Yes, but it worked along with the D on my report card. It was a quick end to my flute days, or so I thought.

Two weeks ago my Dad walked in the house returning from his weekly out of house adventures. He had a little black case in his hand and a big smile on his face. Curious, I asked him what he had in the case while I followed him into his room. He placed the case on his bed then sat down in his chair, still smiling. My Dad has always been a man of few words.

I opened the case and immediately experienced the instant sweaty palm syndrome. There in that red velvet lined case was a properly dismantled flute!

Me: What's this for?
Dad: I'm going to learn how to play it.
Me: You know I remember getting dizzy from playing this thing!
Dad: smiled at me

Two days later the house was getting all quiet, the TV and lights were turned off, Mrs Jude had already gone to bed and I was heading to our room. I passed by Dad's room, he was down to having only one light on which made me think he was going to turn in soon too. I got all settled into bed did my last stretch of the day and closed my eyes. All is nice and quite until I hear "pfhooooo, ppppfffhoooooo" which made me open my eyes wide and think, what the fuck!

pfffhoooooooo, pffhoooooooo, pfhoooo

It's my Dad, in his room at something after 10PM, playing the fucking flute.

He kills me sometimes, with a smile.

Marriage Matters

2010-08-31T10:30:00.000-07:00

When we couldn't get married I always protected my feelings by saying we didn't need a piece of paper to show and know our love for each other.

The day we actually were able to marry, Mrs Jude and I stood under a tacky trellis saying our vows to each other while my smiling Dad sat and took some pictures. As each second passed the little speck of warmth that started from the center of my heart expanded outward until I was overwhelmed with the warm and fuzzy feeling. This wasn't a hot flash either. It was knowing that Mrs Jude and I were really committed to our relationship. Not that we weren't this way in our prior years together. It just felt different.

As we walked out of the building I held my head a little higher and had an extra bounce in my step. It was at that point that I realized, marriage does matter. At least to me. All those years that I said we didn't need it, well, maybe we didn't at the time and maybe we still don't really need marriage but let me tell you being married to the woman that I love feels damn good.

So today, when ever I read or hear anyone discrediting my marriage status, I get bothered by those statements and feelings. Listen, my marriage is the same as any other person's marriage in a sense that it's recognized by the state of California. We're getting close to having it recognized by the Federal government too. We all need to strive for marriage equality and when the government stops allowing discrimination then maybe the rest of the general public will also stop doing the same.

One Very Cool Dad

2010-08-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

I've always been Daddy's little girl.

Ever since I can remember I was his shadow on the weekends. After I got done with the dreaded inside domestic chores my Mother assigned me I'd be out the door or down the basement to spend the rest of the day with my Dad. He would take me to what I thought was the absolutely best store in the world which was surprisingly located right in the middle of our little rural NJ town, the hardware store. I remember one year he even let me help him replace the roof to the house. No matter how many questions I would ask of him, he would always give me the time for an answer. Fast forward to 2010, here's my Dad now at 90 years old.

After my Mom passed away my Dad moved in with us and there was no shaking him off when I got transferred from living in the South to our present location in So Cal. He's pretty healthy for his age. He still drives but I see that ending in the very near future. He plays bridge on line, checks his stocks on line, in fact he's got his laptop AND PC set up on his desk and they're both normally on at the same time. He's a very cool dude and I love him dearly.

So I think it's time for me to start paying more attention to some of the stuff he does and definitely take more pictures of him too. Let's see how my Dad Stories takes off because I certainly have quite a few to share.

Did We Have Summer?

2010-08-20T11:49:00.000-07:00

Here we are approaching another summer weekend.

I'll repeat what I've been hearing over and over, is summer almost over?

WTF?

Wasn't it yesterday that I planted my garden and
yet today I'm thinking about what to plant for the winter?

Days are noticeably getting shorter.

I've even spotted some fallen leaves on my deck.

Get back up where you belong in that tree!

Where has the summer gone?

Why is time flying by so fast?

I need answers to this question please!
>>>...(your answer here)...<<<

ANYWAY....have a great weekend everyone.

AND

I hope you enjoy the days

either with
your cowboy

or your surfer girl.

Cheers Queers!

etc, etc

2010-08-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

2 days till 8

2010-08-16T14:58:00.001-07:00

Everything has been filed again. Our side had until last Friday to prepare their opposition to the stay being permanent, the other side had until today, Monday (more time), ?? who knows, maybe they don't know how to use spell check.

Anyway, our side AGAIN provided substantial, firm evidence that the stay should NOT be extended. One statement was because it's causing MORE HARM to the gays and lesbians for them not being allowed to marry and NO HARM to the Pro-8ters if marriage for gays and lesbians continued (again) in California.

Their side filed and though I haven't found the link to the actual paper I've seen on several sites now to know that the reason why they WANT the STAY to be permanent is because allowing gays to marry would definitely have a negative impact on procreation. In the exact words "backers argued that gay marriages would harm the state’s interest in promoting responsible procreation through heterosexual marriage." (source 365 Gay)

WTF???

PEOPLE..(meaning pro-8ters).....NOTHING is going to change the way you already procreate! If Marriage Equality is going to make you limp or not release your eggs, then you might have some other issues going on or not, in your bedroom.

May I suggest help?

Here's a company that you would be at home with especially since the name is right up your religious ally. Pay particular attention to the lubes. Why look at this, they even have an A&E anal lube. Now I have find quite a bit of irony around that product.

I also find it astonishing to think that 18,000 marriages have already caused a procreation lapse in California. I didn't know Mrs Jude and I had such power.

It seems the other side is really grasping at straws. Let's hope the Ninth Court has clear eyes and minds when they make their decision this week.

Let the marriages resume! And that's what I say.

Hurry UP and Wait

2010-08-12T15:43:00.000-07:00

or We've Become Experts at Proposing

In California today...Judge Walker has ruled to deny a permanent stay on the recent ruling of California's unconstitutional Proposition 8 which may I remind you, was the voter approved ban that denied equal rights for same sex couples to wed.

Even though the Judge denied the stay he did extend the temporary stay until August 18, 5PM PDT which will give the supporters of Prop Hate plenty of time to file their appeal to the Ninth Circuit.

During the morning hours leading to the decision today, couples were standing and sitting in long lines at county court rooms through out California in hopes that they would be able to tie the knot. At one point in San Fran they applauded for a straight couple who walked out of the room freshly married. Gay peeps make me proud. For us though, the waiting continues. But hey, we've become experts at waiting right? How do you think those pro prop 8'ers would feel if they had to wait to get married? Or wait to see if the courts would allow them to get married because gay people voted against their marriage rights?

Or what about if they couldn't really "plan" for their day because YOU NEVER KNOW what's right today could be different tomorrow.

Mrs Jude and I decided on getting married two years ago during the 6 months when marriage was allowed (for the 2nd time) in California. We couldn't pick the day that we wanted to get married (our anniversary day) because we were fearful that if we waited that long the law would change. Good thing we didn't wait or else I would still be single!

So here again, I'm wondering how many gay people will be rushing off to get married (hopefully) next week? If you choose to be married, it should be the most important day in your life. Part of the process is planning for that day. Talking about it to your friends, your family, coworkers (I'm sure we've all been through a co-worker's marriage planning process) even the check out lady at the grocery store would be happy to hear about your plans. You know what I'm talking about. Again though, people will rush to their county court offices to get married because they won't know how long equality will stand up in time.

I hope the next generation of baby dykes, femmes, bois and butches will have the luxury of being able to take their time and plan for their important day and not have to worry about anything being taken away from them. We'll sit back and get to tell them about the marches, the lines, the what seemed to be never ending waits we endured but in the end we became victorious. Equality was ours and all the crack butts went home to mull over who they're going to victimize next. We're getting closer and the waiting is going to end, it has to end soon.

Yes We Can Fly

2010-07-24T21:47:00.000-07:00

There's nothing that brings you closer to flying than a good carnival ride. Whether you're on a majestic pony going around the world on a carousel or reaching for the stars from a ferris wheel, for three minutes and two bucks you're taken into another world.

Want to see more from the San Diego County Fair? go here

No Time for Trouble...

2010-07-13T09:23:00.000-07:00

....well, maybe a little trouble.

This is it, San Diego's Pride Weekend is coming up people!! And I'll be loving every moment of flash, color and the so gayness of it all....

There will be thousand's and thousand's of people lining the mile long parade route. With their family and friends they will cheer each and every contingent, float and parade walker, biker, rider that will pass by them. What can seem to be an endless mile will be lined with happy pride people.....

Most will wave as we go by.....

A very few will not be happy prider's though because they will be stuck behind the SD police horse force for the duration of the parade. I've been told the horses get extra buckets of oats prior to the event for the special "gas" they'll need....

BUT it's very easy to forget about the bigots, I mean unhappy priders when there's so much eye candy to consume....

And then there's the very special families that put smiles on my face....

After the parade on Saturday morning the two day festival kicks off and here my friends is where you'll see me (oh! AND Mrs Jude....giggling, using my smooth pervasive way she's agreed to help out in the booth this year...win!).........

This is last year's set up and this year we'll be taking pictures of people in front of a Niagara Falls back drop then printing out copies for them. It's a very busy booth. I swear everyone that goes to the festival either stops on their way in or out. It's TOTALLY FUN TIMES......

Two cool dudes getting snapped.....

Even with all the time in the booth, I will be able to take a moment or two to check out the other booths and....uh huh...yeah, right..... ;)

From San Diego, California ----- HAPPY PRIDE!

My Femme is Back!

2010-07-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

....And mostly to my delight too. Well, of course!

I spotted her first walking down the second floor, windowed hallway to the escalators. She finally saw me and frantically waved. My smile got bigger. We hugged and kissed then couldn't keep our hands off each other as we waited for her super duper large and heavy suitcase.

I opened the car door for her, put her bag in the back then got in and we kissed more, touched more and talked, well, she did most of the talking while I drove with a biggest shit grin on my face.

We stopped at our favorite gay restaurant for drinks and a meal. The lady sat us down at a table for two, we requested to move to the next table for four so we could sit side by side on the bench seats. More of the T's and K's were happening. All of a sudden we felt a vibration coming up from our seats, particles of something came floating off the ceiling and the 30 some wrought iron chandeliers were swinging in unison. Yes, we caused an earthquake. Oh well.

At home and....

- harley cried and cried and cried. ziggy jumped and wagged his little stub of a tail. i think the cat gave her the "how dare you leave me" look. they all made her feel good.

- she couldn't find one hanger. she needed eight. i did not buy eight shirts while she was gone.

- she cleaned the cat litter box. i can't express enough how happy that made me feel.

- she made the morning coffee. it was delicious.

- she walked the crazy red dog at 5:fucking30 in the morning. no more stumbling around on the road for me.

- don't worry, i have duties too. i will be doing the garbage tonight.

Bottom line is, I love being back to normal. I'll be cooking up some sweet dover sole on the grill for her tonight, opening up a bottle of wine and continue with the smiling, touching, kissing and more. My Honey is home, where she belongs. Tremors will be happening again soon.

Missing Mrs Jude

2010-07-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

flowers for my Wife

She's been away for 12 days with 2 to go. I think I will, and everyone else too, should survive the next 48 hours. Unless of course I can add one more minor mishap to the list.

I still can't find my netfix DVD rental. It disappeared on the day that Mrs Jude left. I had movies all lined up in my queue (the kind Mrs Jude wouldn't care to watch) but for the life of me, I can't find the one that's hiding in this house right now. Mrs Jude will find it, when she gets home.

The dogs seem to be doing ok with the exception of the "buzzed not" episode. I'm not faithfully walking Ziggy every morning but I did add on some extra doggie day care days for him. Harley will cry and Ziggy will try to wag his little stub of a tail when they see Mrs Jude.

My Dad hasn't done Jack. Being that he's 90, normally Jack is ok. After day three though I FINALLY convinced him that the dishwasher is just like the one he had in Connecticut that he use to load for my Mom and that he COULD put his dirty dishes in this one. This activity will probably stop when Mrs Jude comes home.

Tuna hole peed on Harley's bed and YES the cat litter box was clean. Little fucker. Harley doesn't do anything to the cat. He should have peed on the one that torments the crap out of him, Ziggy. I tossed the bed outside thinking it would end up in the garbage but Mrs Jude said she will try to clean it, when she gets home.

Phone conversation from the other night....

Me: Hey, I found a place on line where you can buy 100 condoms for 20 some dollars!

Mrs Jude: Boy, you must really be missing me.

Missing my Wife is an understatement. I'm missing EVERYTHING about her.
Her touch.
The way she makes me laugh.
Her company.
The way she warms up the room and my heart.
Listening and watching her tell me her stories.
Seeing her eyes light up and hearing her laugh at something that I say.
Did I say her touch?....oh baby!

Absence does make the heart grow fonder but for fuck sakes, it hurts.

Buzzed Out

2010-06-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

I was looking forward to getting out of the house this past Monday night. It's our usual Margarita Monday with friends at a local Mexican canteen. With Mrs Jude being away in Jersey, I was more than ready to relax and not be worried about making dinner and doing all that other normal night shit. I met up with the crew, we laughed, ate great food and I limited myself to two margaritas. It was a nice two hours away from everything. Getting home my plan was to take the dogs out then watch some TV and enjoy the light margarita buzz I had going. Didn't happen.

Harley the bigger dog, goes outside loose without a leash. She stays in the yard and accepts the two foot high fence in the front as a boundary. Ziggy, the little red shit, is taken out on one of those retractable leads. The three of us were out in the yard when Harley runs to the front and starts barking. She was warning us about the little chihuahua that was being walked or actually paraded up the road with six people. On hearing Harley barking, Ziggy figured he had to help out his big sister and ran to the front. I expected the retractable to stop him in his tracks around 2 feet in front of the fence. Instead there a big pull and the whole line came free, the little shit had gotten off the lease. Two quick strides and one easy leap he's over the fence charging after the chihuahua and then Harley does a jump over to help him.

I'm still planted where I was trying to figure out what the fuck happened when I hear some growling going on and then I followed suit and did a less than graceful hop over the fence too. What the fuck, why not. By the time I got into the middle of the pack of three dogs and six parading people, one person has picked up the chihuahua and was straight arm holding the dog over his head. He had to hold her up this high because of two reasons. One, he was short and two, Ziggy was doing his five foot high repeated vertical bounce. The other five people scattered for safety while they chattered up a storm in Spanish. By this time Harley is off to the side following her nose. I'm still trying to catch the little fucker, going around in circles, yelling at Ziggy to stay. Right in the middle of a bounce the guy with the dog hat kneed Ziggy in the chest and said he would knock him out. I politely told him if he did that I would give him a swift kick in his kahoonies. I don't think he knew what I meant. Finally I yelled to the people "Would you all please stand still so I can get my dog!" I got him; Ziggy, not the kahoonees.

I lost my nice little buzz because of that little fucker.

The Misfortunate Toss

2010-06-30T09:20:00.000-07:00

Busy Butch Days

2010-06-28T16:42:00.000-07:00

Sigh....been very busy. You see, Mrs Jude is out of town and I'm having to take care of everything on the home front.

Phone conversation the other night:

Mrs Jude: I'm sitting at the boardwalk with ES (baby grand daughter). I wanted to call to tell you I'm about ready to have a waffle ice cream.

Me: Lucky you!

Mrs Jude: Begins talking now, as in non stop talking. Telling me who was at and what happened at the family reunion, the hotel they're staying at for the night, the T-bird that was traded in for a Caddi. She went from one thing, to the next, to the next and finally she paused and said....

Am I making sense?

Me: Well, with the exception of starting four things and not finishing up on any of them.

Mrs Jude: I do that don't I. Well, let me finish this one then......and I continued to listen and smile.

I couldn't even tell you what she told me because she didn't tell me the end of anything. I could tell she was happy though, sitting on the boardwalk with our baby grand daughter.

And me? I went back to being busy and missing my Honey like crazy.

All Good Things.....right?

#6 and #7 When, What and Blow

2010-06-21T14:25:00.000-07:00

More questions answered from Your Chance.

#6 Comes from Small Town Dyke.

Mine is easy, when are you two coming to Ohio?

Mrs. Jude: Talk to Jude, she is the one in charge of travel.

Me: Wow, I'm finally in charge of something...LMAO. Ohio, hmmmmmm. Although I'm sure there's a lot of cool things in that state, which of course would include you and your gf, I'm really not sure when we would be visiting that area. We have a arm's long list of places we need to travel within California and we want to go back to New Mexico soon so I'm going to have to pass up Ohio for now. If things change though, I'll let you know.

#7a. b. and c. is from Mel from Mels Way or No Way

a. Boxers or briefs?

Mrs. Jude: Briefs

Me: why? and anyway they're both in my drawer just lately it's been briefs.

b. PJ's or in the buff?

Mrs. Jude: No PJ's

Me: why? lol I hate PJ's and I'm not fond of sleeping in the buff either. I'm still living in my firefighter/EMT days when I had to jump out of bed and quickly get dressed. Now, it's earthquakes. ;)

c. Share your best Jude blow-up/temper tantrum story.

Mrs. Jude: In the beginning we fought all the time because of me not trusting Jude. Jude had so many gay friends, so every where we went (clubs) all these women would come up to Jude to hug and kiss her. This pissed me off because I had no gay friends to do the same since Jude's my one and only gay relationship. I thought my jealousy would be different in the gay world.

Another thing that bothered me, I felt I did not belong in the relationship because I didn't have a dresser to put my belonging in. These two things made for the biggest argument in our lives.

It was at the house where Jude ended up throwing boxes of my stuff into the woods and then at some point during the argument I had to pick up a chair to keep her at bay since she was roaring at me like a lion (her sign). She's normally a very mild mannered person but get her mad, she turns into a loud raging hot head. Luckily, I've seen the rage side of Jude only a few times since we've been together.

As for that first time, of course we made up, Jude got me a dresser and we lived happily for ever after.

Me: So what if I had a lot of ex's and wanna be's, Mrs Jude is the one that settled me down and made me very happy. And yes, at times I get so mad I spit nails. It doesn't happen often. I've since given Mrs Jude a whip to use along with the chair but if I could convince her to get naked during a rage...now that would be a much more effective and faster way to settle my roaring.

What's that noise I hear?...

2010-06-20T13:42:00.000-07:00

...it's the sound of two Cal State Fire Grumman S-2T 1,200 gallon airtankers
flying a little north of my home.

A small reminder that the fire season has begun in So Cal....maybe it ever ended?

Shaker Map

2010-06-15T09:52:00.000-07:00

Last night the Mrs and I were sitting in our respected couch spots when the ground started to move. We both looked at each other wide eyed as the shaking continued.

Living in So Cal on three separate occasions, I've been through quite a few earthquakes. I've felt some sizable ones and this part is hard to explain unless you've been through several, they all feel different.

You have the rolling kind where you feel like you're body surfacing on top of a wave.

The short snapping, jolting with a bang kind where normally it's followed by my vocal "what the fuck!".

And then there's the back and forth shaking ones.

The durations can be, it's over before you realize what happened to the more extreme where you actually start walking in circles then finding yourself under the proper door frame.

Last night's 5.7 where the center was 110 miles away from my couch was the back and forth kind. Back to the the Wife and I staring into each others wide eyes. We sat frozen like this for around five seconds then the shaking became more forceful and the house started to make a lot of noise, that's when we both jumped out of our couches and began the walking in circles stage.

Let me try to explain how the house felt at this point. Say you're on top of your woman, in bed, making mad passionate love (fucking her brains out). The whole bed is in rhythm of your fierce pounding to the point where the head board is slamming into the wall.

Last night, at the earthquakes strongest point, that's what the whole house felt like. Rhythmic, back and forth pounding with a lot of various noises.

By this time we were under a door frame, what ever good that's going to do. Then it stopped.

The one good thing about last night's earthquake? When we went to bed, after trying to fall asleep in between some short comments to each other the Wife came out and said, "let's have sex" and we proceed to cause our own little 5.7, in bed.

Earthquake anyone?

First Time for Everything

2010-06-13T19:42:00.000-07:00

I had to go.

Really go. I held off the inevitable for as long as I could but now, I had to go. I found the ladies room at the Bangalore Zoo. An attendant gave me three squares of paper, count 3, and I opened up the door and stared at the toilet or lack of one.

It's a good thing I had many years of practice relieving myself in the woods or along Route 80. I figured it out, although I never did figure out what to do with the hose line (not in the picture).

To see more photos of India check out here.

Don't Blink

2010-06-11T14:36:00.000-07:00

It amazes me how the time goes by so swiftly now. I don't understand how even the days, when I'm stuck at work, the never ending Monday can turn right into hump day then Friday. Tuesday and Thursday are the forgotten, uneventful, non milestone type week days to me. So it's Monday, Hump and BANG! it's FRIDAY AND THAT's WHEN EVERYTHING SEEMS TO ROLL SO MUCH BETTER for me. Maybe it's the smile that I'm sporting around. All I know is yay, it's the fucking weekend!

Mrs. Jude and I had a blast last weekend with our visit to Palm Springs. We are becoming dessert rats. The place draws us to it and we're already planning our return trip, not soon enough.

We did some shopping on the main drag last Saturday. Mrs had to get some t-shirts for our little crumb crushers that she's going to be visiting soon. We walked into one novelty type store and I spotted the salt and pepper shakers. They came in a couple of different people configurations and I thought this combo with the guy and camera and the purse carrying flip flop woman were spot on to represent us. The truth of the matter I had these two figures in my hand and shouted out to the Mrs, "OMG WE HAVE TO GET THESE! Look! It's US!" Even though I am taller and certainly not bald. Mrs Jude just rolled her eyes but I did catch a little smile on her face too.

Filled with the proper salt (me) and pepper (Mrs), they now proudly stand near our stove and make me smile even on non milestone week days.

This weekend, not much is planned other than the usual. Going to try to keep my eyes opened all weekend too for fear of blinking and it'll be Monday already.

Happy Friday My Friends!

Thirty-eight Feet

2010-06-09T07:22:00.000-07:00

Lift My 50 Yaz Plus

2010-06-03T15:51:00.000-07:00

From the stupid emails, just this week I was offered:

Get that natural perky look without surgery and stop spending $100.00 on speciality bras and lifts. WTF?
Let me tell you something. First of all I've never spent 100 bucks on something that holds up by boobs. Secondly, they are still up, on their own thank you. The nips might be looking at my feet but the boobs are still where they belong and well contained inside my gini t's or wife beater's (crappy names for my fav underwear). Anyhoo, no I don't need 20 lifts for 10 bucks.

Then 20 minutes later I was asked if I've ever taken YazYas stuff and have suffered any side effects like heart attacks. Well, I've never had a reason to be on birth control so delete!

The next day I got an very exciting email telling me all about the latest and greatest in the technology of forklifts, reach trucks and order pickers. Dude! This is my personal email address NOT my work and anyway, I don't do the warehouse stuff anymore. Been there, done that, delete!

And now today, 50PLUS Singles wants me to meet my someone special for free and get live video, audio, text chat and communicate anonymously. Why the hell I would want to go into some membership with a bunch of single over 50 anonymous people is beyond me. If they can't tell me who the fuck they are, I don't want to know them. And, fuck you for thinking that I'm over 50! Unsubscribe then delete!

What kind of email shit do you get?

1 Thing Leads 2 Another

2010-06-02T07:24:00.000-07:00

#5 Some Secrets Revealed

2010-05-29T08:13:00.000-07:00

Moving along to the next question that you've asked in the Now Is Your Chance posting, my fella Jersey Girl, Jelly wants us to provide our secrets on how we keep the romance active in our relationship. Short answer is, a hell of a lot of wine but lets get into some more details.

What advice could you give on keeping the romance alive in your marriage after you've been together for a long while?

Mrs. Jude:
Through all the years, I guess we had a number of things that kept our relationship exciting. For a while, in the very beginning we would spend most of our time together, no one else and there was a lot of drinking, see how many bars we could hit in one day, unfortunately we would only make one.

Then as we grew up we started doing crazy things - Jeep Jamborees, ocean kayaking, and going to a dude ranch are only a few. Well now here is what we do, we try to go somewhere every two months. Short trips. We've been doing this for about 6 months now and it's been great! We get all over each other. Yahoo!

Me:
LMAO.
So, as Mrs Jude points out we love to travel together. We're fine with a group of people, strangers, a few friends and our favorite is still just me and Mrs Jude. We absolutely, fully, enjoy each others company. Of course we have our snit times but those are few and far between and we quickly get over the snit. The latest adventures are our weekend get aways where we hop in the car and just go. Sometimes we'll have the where all planned out and other times it's blindly hitting the road. The romance behind it is we get total time together and who wouldn't agree that hotel sex is fucking hot! (I should write a posting on our hotel headboard experiences!)

I'm more amorous in the relationship too. The unexpected bouquet of flowers, the card that's hidden in her purse or under her pillow, taking her out to a fine restaurant, it's all in the uniqueness and the surprise factor. Ha! One time we were at her boss's home, I followed Mrs Jude to the bathroom, closed the door behind us and snuck a kiss. The look on her face was priceless. I treat her so special that when we're out together, straight women watch and wish they had half of the attention from theirs that I give to Mrs Jude.

For me, romance is investing your time and paying attention. When I turn on the romance to Mrs Jude, it makes her feel special and then so do I.

Thanks Jelly for bringing up an important element in a relationship.

Shopping Mail

2010-05-26T08:55:00.001-07:00

Butch Proof

2010-05-24T15:16:00.000-07:00

Here's the proof, I was born this way.
I didn't fall and hit my head and wake up butch.
At two, I'm very comfortable with my cowboy hat.
Look at it, the rim didn't even have to be
down for the purpose of shading my eyes.

And if that wasn't enough, here's another three years later.
Looks like I was able to talk my parents into getting
some very important accessories to my outfit.
Plus, I learned about my love for dogs with the
addition of my trusty side kick,
Trixie.

Oh yeah,
Born to be Butch.

#4 Ever Get That Itch?

2010-05-20T15:33:00.000-07:00

Going back again to the series from Now Is Your Chance posting, BellyGirls asked some very serious questions around the dreaded 7 year itch, myth or truth? Hmmmmmmmm

You and Mrs. Jude have been together for a long time.

Holly and I are approaching 7 years and we hear all the time from people about the "7 year itch".
Is there a particular year that was harder for you two compared the other years spent together? Do you think the 7 year hump is really the hardest to overcome?

Mrs Jude:
I don't know if I ever had the itch or not, there was a time in our relationship when we were definitely growing apart. It felt like Jude was my room mate instead of my partner.

We had been commuting to work for over 7 years, spending two hours every day on the road and when we got home at night we were beat and it was taking a toll on us. We stopped doing our crazy things together. Then I started staying down by my work and hanging out with friends I worked with and Jude found interests and people closer to home. It just kept getting worst, no communications, no nothing, we became very distant towards each other and it was like we just shared a house. During this time there was no other person for me, I still loved Jude, go figure.

We did finally talk one day and decided we needed to get away. We went to the Jersey shore and acted like we just met, the way it had been years ago. We made a commitment to each other to never let our relationship get into that condition again and now 15 years later our relationship has never been better.

Pay attention to each others needs.

Jude:
Oh yeah, I remember that time that my wife is describing. It was pretty horrible and I blame it on not quickly recognizing the root cause of the reason why we got into that non-loving time in our relationship. We both learned from it though and we made it through that tough time too. What was important was even though our relationship had fallen apart we really never gave up on each other. The rule we followed very strictly in our next two relocations was making sure we lived within a 15 to 20 minute commute to work.

So to answer the question, Yes! there could very well be a 4 year, 7 year, 14 year, 25 year (you're getting my point here I hope) itch and it's important to recognize what's going on right away and then make the choice of either rectifying what's happening or worst case ending the relationship. Luckily we choose the former and we both couldn't be happier in our lives right now.

What we find important in our relationship is open communications, making "us" our priority, laughing and playing every day, taking time out to notice the other, fantastic and regular sex (come on, it wouldn't be me if I didn't mention something about dessert). Listen, with the scare I just went through this past November I received a hard, smack in my face, wake up call. I don't sweat the small shit anymore and what I have in Mrs Jude is something I wouldn't be able to put a price on nor trade in for the world. I am so fucking in love with her. I'll always be ready give that itch a big bad butch fight if it dares to come around again. Just try.

Thanks BellyGirls! Mrs Jude and I talked the other night by writing about that bad time was a good exercise. It made us think about what we had almost lost and oh boy, the dessert that night was great! ;)

The Fire Escape

2010-05-19T11:21:00.000-07:00

Mrs Jude...

2010-05-18T14:50:00.000-07:00

What's Keeping Me Busy?

2010-05-17T13:29:00.001-07:00

My Summer Garden

Various tomato plants and marigolds to keep away the bugs.

More tomato plants that will go in the upside down containers.
Parsley and yellow squash that will go in the garden.

Butternut squash in the back. My bean fencing is almost done and
in the foreground some of the potted strawberry plants.

See the one strawberry on the left? It's history. Yummy.
Pepper plants, chili and jalapenos are in the hanging thing.

More strawberry plants and the cactus was our Christmas tree four years ago.

A winter injury that needs some Dr Jude care.

Petunias and Harley. Can't you tell she hates her picture taken?
Then there's the weeding and feeding of the lawn followed by seeding.
Watering everything almost every day in which it's 100% guaranteed
that I too will get watered in the process.
The end result, the yard looks fantastic, the flowers make it pretty,
the garden will be delicious and Harley will still not like her picture taken.

#2 and #3 How and Kids?

2010-05-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

Maddie, the one who changed our lives.

Continuing the series from my Now Is Your Chance posting, here are two questions that C from Midwestern Mama with a New York Heart blog asked.

2. How did you two meet?

Mrs. Jude
Oh, this question is easy.

It was Valentines Day in 1982. I was dating a guy at the time. I worked at my waitress job that night and had a huge fight with this guy during the day. After work I decided to go to this gay bar, Maddie's, for a couple of drinks. I knew because it was a gay bar, no men would bug me.

I walked into the bar, eyes straight ahead and saw Maddie, the owner. I had met her through the guy I was seeing. So I walked up to the bar and Maddie recognize me immediately. We talked for awhile and she said she would like to introduce me to someone. The someone was standing next to me at the bar all the while I had been sitting there and it turned out to be Jude.

We talked about everything and then we realized that Valentines Day was ending in about 2 minutes. She asked if she could kiss me and I said sure. The rest is history.

Jude
My version is here in the "let me count the ways" postings under A Message to my Wife stories.

3. You've mentioned kids before, got any?

Mrs Jude

Unfortunately, we have no children together but I was married to a guy before and I have a daughter.

Our daughter had our first grandson in 2008 and just recently had our granddaughter in March. We're so excited about them.

Jude
Cha-ching $$

I knew my readers would be coming through with great questions. Thanks C!

Is it Attached?

2010-05-09T10:29:00.000-07:00

Muv and the little Butch 1960

I've always been into gardening.

Even as a kid I would negotiate with my Mother what portion of the yard I could turn into a vegetable garden. I usually ended up with the rooty patch, on top of the hill and under the trees. The poor seeds never had a chance up there but this kid always gave it a valiant effort.

Radishes became my favorite very quickly because I always was able to grow them. I still dedicate a portion of my garden to radishes, for now it's a tradition.

One kid year I planted the garden and I had visions of watermelons sprouting all over the hillside, you see, dreaming is deeply rooted in my genes too. Soon after the planting I went to the YMCA Camp Morris for two weeks.

We sang the camp songs, "....a boy and a girl in a little canoe and the moon shinning all around..." Of course I was thinking along the line of a girl and a girl, in a canoe. Another song was "...1.9.6.5. at Morris Camp, no other year the same...". I fell in love with the junior counselor. I was into older women even back then.

I survived the two weeks, made a card holder for my Dad and didn't kill anyone while playing robin hood archery. Back at home that morning I woke up and I looked out my window, my Mom was hanging up the clothes on the clothes line (yeah, she really did that and boy did the clothes smell good!). We were talking a little then my eyes went up to my shady garden hill and there it was, my dream had come true.

Me: Muv! Look! There's a watermelon!!!

M: I remember her just smiling at me thinking I was pulling her leg and there was no way she was going to look.

Me: No really! There's a watermelon up there....look at it.

M: She finally turned around and was just as surprised as I was. She took the five step lung up the hill to see it.

Me: Is it attached? Is it attached?

She picked up the full sized watermelon and brought it down the hill, laughing all the way. Of course it hadn't been attached. My oldest brother had stopped by the house in the middle of the night and "planted" the watermelon. He knew I'd be checking out my garden early in the morning. He was right. I think I had a sense of disappointment in me in finding out it hadn't grown to full size in the two weeks I had been away. My Mother got a kick out it because my Brother had come up with some humor that played out flawlessly. It was the only watermelon that had made it that year.

So these are the things I'm thinking about this weekend and on Mother's day. How my Mother was able to sprinkled her humor in myself and in my brothers. And when I'm turning over the soil for my garden that now gets all the sun it needs, the dreams are still of giant tomatoes and the juiciest of strawberries....and one full-grown watermelon -- unattached.

#1 - How Did We Know?

2010-05-06T07:24:00.000-07:00

1982...shit look how fckn young!

In a celebration of going over the 100 followers mark, I began this series from the Now Is Your Chance posting where I invited my followers to ask questions directly to Mrs Jude. I've gotten a great response so far and I believe Mrs Jude is enjoying answering your questions.
So here goes the first of many.......

From Padi:
I have a question! It is probably pretty pedantic, but here goes: how/when did you both know you were "the one" for each other? If you could both do a she said/she said, that would be pretty cool. Thanks!

Mrs. Jude
I think for me it was once we had a couple of dates after the first time we met.

After a couple of times together I could not get Jude out of my mind. I wanted to be with her forever. In the beginning I went home at night, even if it was 4 or 5 in the morning and that separation was horrible even for a couple of hours till we were together again.
Believe me there were some crazy times of getting to know one another but we made it.

It has been incredible ever since.

Jude
That first night was WILD! OMG! And when I had to drop Mrs J off at her car the next day and making sure I finally got her phone number after she made me ask her for it at least three times, I had a smile on my face for the rest of the day. Then I noticed she kept invading my thoughts through out the following days.

I knew then we had something special and that she was meant for me. Talk about falling head over heals, that really happens. I knew she was different from all the other women I had been with in the past or had dated because I had never experienced the overwhelming feeling of love flowing through me until I met Mrs Jude. Sure, I had thought I had been in love before Mrs Jude but the feelings she brought to the surface didn't compare to all those other times.

So for me, I knew she was the one very quickly in our relationship and it was by the way I felt regardless of if she was with me or not.

Thanks for asking Padi!

Secretos de Mayo

2010-05-04T16:05:00.001-07:00

When we lived in the South, I learned how to barbecue. Now being on the border of Mexico, I've learned how to make the perfect margarita.

Here's what I've picked up about this wonderful cocktail over the course of 6 years.

Freshly squeezed lime juice is the key to a great margarita. Use those little duffers too, key limes.
Excellent tasting tequila is a must. Make sure the label on the tequila bottle says either 100 percent blue agave or 100 percent de agave. Go for the good stuff.

And now the how too secrets.....

Sensually roll the limes on the counter to soften up the pulp and juice of each lime.
Your actions here will speak volumes of you later.
Cut the limes in half, then hand squeeze into a glass measuring cup.

Since key limes are little tart balls you'll need to add some sweetness. Nix the mixers! Instead use Curacao a citrus flavored liqueur, or one of my favorites either Cointreau or Grand Marnier.

Mix it all in a shaker and you will have the perfect margarita.

recipes:

equal parts of fresh lime juice to Curacao (ending up with 5 ozs give or take)
1 1/2 ounces of tequila
shake it and serve on the rocks with a slice of lime
use salt on the rim if you dare
clothing will easily be removable after two

Another one of my favorites:

4 oz freshly squeezed lime juice
1 1/2 oz tequila
1/2 oz Presidente Brandy
1/2 oz Cointrau
again shake and serve on the rocks with a slice of lime
two of these will lead to very.wild.SOD

So, what is your pleasure going to be on the night (or afternoon) of Cinco de Mayo, easy or wild?

I See Straight Women

2010-05-03T16:26:00.000-07:00

Most of the times I can keep my sarcasm in check when talking to our family members who are straight (actually, most of them are straight). There is one member who I have to really hold back on since she's a very strict born again (BA). I'm sure she voted Yes on 8 so I try to stay clear of her. Don't get me wrong, I love my extended family. They quickly took me into the family much faster than mine took in Mrs Jude but that would be another story or three.

Anyway, we (Mrs J, and S&G who are the cool family straight married couple) are at the gay bar and there happens to be a bachelorette party going on with probably around 10 women. Why in fucks sake a bunch of straight women would want to go to a gay bar for this special party is beyond my comprehension. Safe? pfft....whatever.

So Miss Soon to be Married to a Man is walking around with a lit up crown of itty bitty penises. Funny! O-kay fine, let me get back to smooching with my Honey and drinking some beers.

The B-party-ers are having a good time letting out their giggles whenever it deemed appropriate. Then the gay boy dancer goes over to them and it all gets very loud with screeches that remind me of finger nails going across a black board (my gosh, that's got to be an obsolete sound by now). The half naked boy dancer with mr. happy in his spandex begins his moves on Miss Soon to Be and all the other women whip out their cell phones to take pictures. This goes on for the next half hour or so until the party disappears. Thank you fuckers! The bar is back to normal now and I'm checking out the gays, lesbians, bi's, trans, drinking beers and smooching with my Honey.

The next day we had to explained to our family members, who were lounging pool side, what went on at the bar.

BornAgain: So how was last night? Did you have a good time?

Me: Yeah, we all had a great time.

BA: S&G had a good time too?? (and that's what cranked up my sarcasm)

Me: They sure did, why wouldn't they?

BA: (she got that A-oh look on her face)

Me: Would you believe that a bunch of straight women were at the bar? For a bachelorette party no less?

Woman Cousin: I know a lot of women who go to those bars for parties.

Me: Well, that's o-kay but when they start gyrating against the gay dancers, man, that's just plain disgusting. I don't want to see that shit. That's one of the many reasons why I'm gay!

crickets

Yeah, well, I see straight people. Don't we all? But sometimes, as in every once in a while, I don't want to.

Now Is Your Chance

2010-04-29T13:37:00.000-07:00

I liked the idea Mel had over at her blog with a near and dear guest writer not too long ago. I'm taking a slightly different approach in that I'm asking my reader's if they have any questions. Since I've just recently and surprisingly went over the 100 follower mark I'm figuring it's time that I hear from you.

Ask your questions here, in this posting and in a near future posting I'll provide the answers.

Actually, Mrs Jude will be providing the answers.

That's right, I whispered some sweet nothings in her ear this morning and she's agreed, under her discretion to answer all or some of your questions.

Now's your chance, ask away. And if you don't have any, that's fine too. As always, thanks for stopping by.

Please Secure Your Barf Bag

2010-04-26T11:07:00.000-07:00

My Dad and I were late leaving Nashville airport due to the horrible weather conditions. Rain, wind, lightening, hail and possible tornadoes; normal junk for that area. Needless to say the take off and ascent was super bumpy and a few air drops were felt by my belly. It seemed like it was taking us forever to get above the clouds.

It was the first time I ever heard the flight attendant come on to coach us through the roughness. She told us to open up the little AC vents above our head to some air and help prevent motion sickness. She even told us to get our barf (yes, she said barf) bags out before we really needed them. Nice.

Another 10 minutes had passed and it's still quite bumpy she comes on the PA again and said that the Captain told the Attendants to remain belted and to please turn off the attendant lights because they would not be able to get up; she said again more firmer, unless it's a medical emergency to turn off the attendant light.

I'm trying to keep my eyes on the words in my book when I heard that last announcement and started thinking, now who the hell would be calling for the attendant while we're buckarooing through the fucking air??? I looked forward to see if I could find the light that was on and then started to turn my head and my eyes just about popped out of my sockets. My Dad had his light on!

I poked him in his arm and pointed upward. He told me he wanted to change his seat because the guy in front was in his lap. I quickly turned off the light.

For fucks sake, he has a heck of a time walking on stable ground I don't know how he thought he was going to be able to walk in a plane that was getting tossed all around in the air!

After we finally got into blue skies he was able to move to the seat in the emergency row. He doesn't like it when a stranger sleeps in his lap either. Like Father like Butch.

Crickets on the Line

2010-04-23T03:49:00.000-07:00

or... Absence Makes the Heart Grow Amorous
or... Why Not Insert My Foot into My Fucking Mouth

To say that Mrs Jude never cares for this time of year is an understatement. She does not like, in fact she hates it when I'm away for any length of time.

Normally, it's the buisness trip that take me away anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks. The longest time we were separated was a month. The other trip is the yearly two weeker when I go to the fitness spa with my Dad.

Prior to this years spa-er I was telling Mrs Jude it would probably be the last trip. My Dad is almost 90, he is slowing down and traveling takes a lot out of him. So, Mrs Jude has been home thinking this is the last spa trip that she's going to have to endure; until I called her the other night.

After getting caught up with each other's activities of the day our conversation went in this direction:

Mrs Jude - "So how's the food this year?"
Me - "It's been pretty good. I picked the vegetarian/vegan menu and I'm getting through it most of the time."
Mrs Jude - "What's Dad eating?"
Me - "He's on the standard diet. Next year that's what" oh Fuck!
crickets
Mrs Jude - "What do you mean, next year?"
Me - "It looks like we will be coming back next year."
Mrs Jude - an extremely rare moment of silence
Me - "I didn't think he would want to come back here but he does."
Mrs Jude - more silence. people, this is a record

Oh well. She'll have a year to get use to the idea. And just so you all know, I do invite her every year too and she always graciously declines. I have to admit, I do love the warm and fuzzy feeling in knowing how much she is missing me and of course I know how much I'm missing my Honey too.

Going home will make it all right again.

Lost and Sometimes Found

2010-04-17T09:08:00.000-07:00

My Dad, who's turning 90 at the end of the month, and I have been coming to this Spa in Tennessee for some time now. I've come to learn that a certain phenomena will occur at least once and quite possibly a few times during our two week stay. When it does happen, I remain (try to) calm.

My Dad losses shit.

It could just be a "left behind" incident in which case usually either a guest or a Spa worker will return the item. Other times it's a lost where the "whatever" goes into some deep dark Tennessee abyss never to be seen again.

Most of the times the shit turns up. Which is why it's easy for me to stay calm. The worst one occurred a couple of year ago when he lost a bottle of medication that he needed to take twice a day. I remember the housekeeper going through the days dirty laundry searching for the damn bottle. We ended up at the ER late at night so he could get a single dose then a script.

Shit happens, right?

So here is what has happened so far during our first week's stay; the Left Behind items and their status:

1. Giant wrap around sun glasses - found
2. Two pair of clean socks, mine no less - reported and retrieved
3. Watch - I was going to type missing but as I was midway through this posting, the phone rang in the reading room where the computers are located, the person who answered shouted out "Jude! Your Dad's watch is in the office". reported and will be retrieved as soon as I hit publish post.

One thing is certain, my Dad is on a roll and this could turn into a stellar year!

Be Straight if You Sit in Front of Me

2010-04-15T17:17:00.000-07:00

The airlines need to come up with a rule that only on international flights will the fucking seats be able to recline and only when the FA's turn off the lights.
I don't appreciate when the fucktard in front of me has to recline all the way back for a three hour flight. The way I see it is, he's now in my space since I can no longer see my feet. I mean put the seat back a little if you don't want to keep your spine straight.
But if you decide to land the back of your fucking head onto my lap, you will get numberous knee jabs in your fucking kidneys and that large S.King hardbound novel that I bought just for this trip? Well, that's going to be in and out of the little seat sleeve enough times to be noticed by you.
Have a nice flight, Fucktard.

Beep Beep My

2010-04-11T16:53:00.000-07:00

We had just begun our trip to Nashville we were heading to the airport, as in we're only 5 miles from home and my hearing impared Dad decided to give me a stress test.
I was driving, he was in the passenger seat and Mrs Jude was in the back looking over my shoulder. I started to hear clicking noises. It's my Dad, he was playing with the electronic lock.
After three rounds of locking and unlocking the fucking alarm goes off!

People!, I'm driving down the road with the horn going off and I'm sure my headlights were flashing like we were in the middle of a major emergency. With the that commotion going on along with Lady Gaga singing her heart out on the radio, I was still able to catch the whole "ohmygod" that emmitted from the back seat.
After who knows how many security cycles the car went through and after I SHOUTED to my Dad "don't touch anything!" the alram finally stopped. For fucks sake!

At the trailing end of my big sigh I heard my Dad mumble "noisy out there". Two weeks with my Dad? A piece of cake.

I'm Leaving Mrs Jude

2010-04-09T07:07:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again when my Dad and I head for the hills of Tennessee for a two week vacation at our favorite Fitness Spa.
Getting away from work does wonders for the soul. Add a regiment of healthy food, hourly exercise and naps does wonders for the body.

For the next two weeks my daily TO DO LIST will look like:

Eat a healthy breakfast.
Go in the pool for wet walking then wet aerobics
Play Wally ball (dry)
Eat a healthy Lunch
Lift weights
Ride bike
Shower
Nap/Read
Eat a heathy Dinner
Stay out of trouble
Read
Go to Bed

What isn't on the list:
No smoking (of course)
No work (hurray!)
No cell phone coverage (no blue or red dots in this area)
No drinking (sigh)
No sex (omg)

Yeah, that last one will just make the next days work out session more intense. You know what I mean?
Shit two weeks, no SOD, why do I do this to myself?

Catchy title hey? ;)

Killer ReRun

2010-04-07T13:48:00.000-07:00

I've lost count as to how many times Mrs Jude and I have had this same conversation.

I'll be sitting in a room, minding my own business, maybe I'm reading or doing something that I'm totally engrossed in, one fact is I'm being quiet.

Mrs Jude will walk into the room and let out a inhaling type loud scream.
I jump out of my skin for a split second and my heart will go from 70 to 210 in a nanosecond.

Me: "Don't do that!"
Mrs. Jude: "Well, you scared me!"
Me: "I live here too you know".

I'm surprised this conversation hasn't killed one of us by now.

Does She Miss Me When I'm With Her?

2010-04-05T15:58:00.000-07:00

When I attended massage school we studied the eye ball in anatomy and that's when I found out about the scotoma or what is commonly referred to as the blind spot in your eye. There's a tiny area in each eye that does not contain image detecting cells. It's a natural blind spot and your brain fills in this blank from what the other eyeball is seeing so we don't actually see blank areas.

Haven't you ever gotten yourself into a situation where you say "where the fuck did that "blank" come from?"...like a car or a pedestrian? If you have, the dang thing was probably in your blind spot for a split second.

Anyway, you know I wouldn't be writing about this unless I had a story right?

Mrs Jude's scotoma must be getting bigger than normal. My proof .....

- Driving up a long steep incline, she passes a giant blue bus. She catches up to a poky car in the right lane and has to slow down and the bus passes us. She gets in the fast lane to pass poky and she also passes the bus. A minute later as we're still climbing up the mountain....

Mrs Jude: looking straight ahead "Boy that bus must be flying up the road!"
Me: puzzled, I look up ahead then look at her "Is it going to pass us again?"
Mrs Jude: looking in the rear view mirror "Oh, when did I pass it?"

See!, when we were going by the bus the second time, the whole fucking bus must of gotten into Mrs Jude's scotoma and her brain filled it in with the landscape on the other side of the road. She did not even see the bus when she passed it the second time. How fucking scary is that? Here's another incident, which occurred on the same day.

- Dinner was coming along just fine and everything was getting to the point of finishing being cooked. Mrs Jude's timing was perfect! Then the dogs had to go out. She took them out while I took over the meal details which was taking the big giant ham out of the oven and putting in the rolls. The ham is on the counter and she comes into the kitchen. (this is not a big nor giant kitchen either people)

Mrs Jude: "Where's the ham?"
Me: "It's on the counter"
Mrs Jude: "OK the vegetables are done, we just have to put them in a bowl"
Me: being my normal quiet self
Mrs Jude: Looking around "So where do you want to cut the ham?"
Me: "Anywhere is fine with me"
Mrs Jude: "Where's the ham?"
Me: "My god, it's right there, on the counter! Or maybe you need to look for it in the bus!"

See, again a large object fell right into her scotoma. I know she doesn't always hear what I'm saying and NOW I'm going to wonder if she's even fucking seeing me! Maybe I should start putting life size cardboard cut outs of me all over the place just in case and well, I don't want her to miss me when I'm here right with her.

Why Not Rattle My Brains?

2010-04-04T18:56:00.000-07:00

(from usgs gov)
Oh yeah, we had an earthquake. The center of it was in Baja about 200 miles south from us. I was on my recliner reading when I started to feel something behind me. I started to yell at Ziggy and Mikey to "cut it out". Mrs. Jude yelled from the kitchen "What was I talking about?" I then realized when the recliner started to feel like I put a fucking quarter in it what was happening was not due from the animals (for once). I shouted out "Earthquake!" I've since found out, only people that have been transplanted to California shout out earthquake.

Fucker was shaking the whole house. We ended up under the doorway. The two of us and the two dogs. Not smart that we were under two hanging lights though. I'll have to find another place to go. Who knows where tuna hole ended up and my Dad was safe in his "library". It seemed like the shaking went on for half a minute but looking at the shake map, 9 seconds? Get the fuck out! It's wrong, had to be at least 30 seconds.

Not long after the 7.2, we sat down to a nice Easter dinner. I know I'm going to need TTUMS later and it won't be because of my Wife's cooking.

Code Gay

2010-04-03T09:39:00.000-07:00

When Mrs Jude and I are out and about and one wants to bring attention to the other for an "our kind" sighting we use code because come on, we don't want other people to find out what we know.

So what we say is "benning alert". When the wife says it and I don't immediately beam my eyeballs in the correct direction, she'll point. Or if I'm saying the code she'll whip her head around so fast she creates a vacuum. So much for staying under cover and I'm usually the one that ends up having to nod or smile because the new found Bennings are looking at me.

My friends use other code words like "family", "sisters" or "beans". I'm sure the list is endless, similar to the colors and placements of the bandannas.

This is one of the zillion times I'm glad I'm gay because I don't think straight people have this much fun, do you?

Do you have a code word that you use? Share it here, but not if you have to shoot me after you tell me because I'm having too much fucking fun with life.

Ready Freddy!

2010-03-31T14:29:00.000-07:00

I know the North East and some other areas have been getting a ton of rain lately. Flooding is happening. People are being rescued from the second fucking story of their building. My bro-in-law told me it was snowing in the Poconos yesterday.

Today, it's been cloudy and we're expecting rain for the next few days.

Bring it on. I'm ready.

I'm Lost in Lost

2010-03-29T07:19:00.000-07:00

We never really got into the tv show, Lost. I think we watched maybe 3 or 4 episodes when it first came out and then got into the habit of forgetting when it was on.

Five months ago I signed up for Netfix. We get our normal once a week movie (we could get more but that's what it's been averaging against Dancing with the Nuts and America I.can't.sing.4.shit and my must watch show Mod-family).

The "watch instantly" shows and movies are very convenient for me since I can watch them right on my Mac and I've tried to get into the habit of watching a tv show at lunch instead of working through that time.

I started watching Lost and I'm hooked.

I was ok with all the flashbacks. I think after a few episodes my brain was actually expecting the lets go back when things were normal time. I've just begun watching season four and it's fucking with my brain.

The flashbacks have departed (I think) and have been replaced by flash forwards. My brain hasn't gotten use to this yet and is constantly trying to figure out the time and place of whatever scene is playing. And who the fuck are the good guys now? (don't tell me)

Season 4? and they're just finishing up this year with the whole series in season 7? Well, at least I'm almost half way through. Maybe.

Repeat What You Didn't Say

2010-03-24T15:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes (most of the times) Mrs Jude's conversations are a mental puzzle. She'll start out talking about one thing, stop, re-route to something else and not finish the original unless asked. In my head I'm trying to figure out what the fuck she was starting to say and in her head she's already onto the next subject matter. When I pop the question to backtrack she looks at me like I have two heads. It becomes really interesting when she ends the fractional statements with a question to me. Here's an example:

Wife: "You know S and G are going to want (short pause in speaking then picks up at) and if that happens what are we going to do with Ziggy?" Now she's looking at me and is expecting an answer to her question.

Me: You see, over the years I've come up with three ways of replying to her:

1. The I want to stay married to her forever answer: "Baby, you have to give me a little more information than that so I can answer your question."

2. The evasive no answer reply: "We have a few options but then again I'm not totally sure."

3. Or the I won't be getting nookie any time soon if I go this route: "Would you please just once complete a full sentence! What the hell, I am not a mind reader and I can't fill in your blanks."

I'm a very smart person so I normally use 1 and 2 depending on my mood. I had one asinine moment when I went the direction of 3. That's how I learned what the consequences are if I choose to answer that way.

I totally (short pause) my Wife. ;)

Recall or Out

2010-03-22T15:52:00.000-07:00

I've lost something
and I don't know how to find it
or bring it back into myself
and it's driving me fucking crazy.

Hello Motivation, where the fuck are you?

Were you attached to my ovaries
or something else in that general area
that got removed a few months ago?
Why the hell were you hanging out there if you were?

Without you I don't feel like doing s.h.i.t.

Without you I've lost what little I had of my creative spirit.

Would you please, pretty please come back and get inside of me again!
I need you.
I feel empowered when you're a part of me.
Right now I feel like a giant mass of rolling snot.

So get the hell back where you belong,
inside of my heart and brain
so I can start taking photographs again and
do all those other little things that releases my creative juices
and makes me feel good all over.
I really don't want to recall my ovaries
so I'm hoping Moto,
you're just hanging around the corner,
behind a door or two.

Maybe I should I try to get
my hands some
motivational-vitameatavegamin
pills!

Anybody got any to send?

The BB Award

2010-03-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

Thank you LilliGirl over at It's a Great Life for the award! LG does wonderful work with dog rescuing so make sure to go check out her place. She's got a heart of gold.

This BBA has its rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!
4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award.

And just like me, I'm going to bend those rules a bit, especially #3. So here it goes....

List 7 things you don't know about me - basically these are things I've never written blog stories. Hmmm, this could be dangerous.

1. I can't wait for my hair to turn ALL grey. Grey hair and I get along just fine because I started turning at age 13. It's from my Dad and that alone makes grey OK.

2. You might not believe his one but I'm a very quiet/shy person and it's something that I've struggled with all my life. Self esteem and confidence is a work in progress. Though I have to say that I've got the confidence one in the bag.

3. I love to challenge and break my fears. Public speaking was a biggie (thanks to #2) so I've always looked for opportunities, especially in the work place to speak in front of a large crowd of people. I never consider myself to be a writer (still don't) and I know my grammar isn't perfect so I began this blog and it forces me to write. Am I becoming a better writer? I don't give a shit, I'm having fun and I've met some outrageously cool people.

4. About eight years ago I was in a AIDs ride where I rode my bicycle along with 1,000 other riders from Missoula to Billings, Montana. 475 miles in 7 days. That was a major self esteem and confidence builder. To be eligible to do the ride I had to get a lot of people to give me money ($2,000 minimum total donations, I ended up with over $3,000). It was physically challenging and out of the 2,000 people that participated as riders and helpers I knew no one. The ride turned into one of my best life experiences AND I had sculptured legs for about year! Would I ever do something like this again? Fuck no! It hurt.

5. I got my first dog when I was 5 years old. Trixie. Ever since then there has only been two years of my life that I didn't own a dog. So to Trixie, JayDee, Pepper, Brandy, Rebel and Elvis you all brought a lot of happiness into my life. To my current two, Harley Girl, you are the sweetest and Ziggy you make me laugh every day. Dogs Rule!

6. Firefighting for a year gave me so much passion and such a high I actually came to an understanding of why pyromaniacs do what they do. Sit me down at a campfire and I flashback to that time and those feelings.

7. I had my first experience with a woman at age 16. She was 10 years my senior, a high school teacher and I wouldn't want to change a thing about that either. It took me about 34 years to come completely "out". If I could do that part all over again I would have done it sooner. My life is so much better being out.

Now to choose some bloggers that I've recently discovered, more or less and in no particular order. All of these bloggers have something in common. They write about their experiences, what's happening in their lives and they carry some sense of humor. If you haven't figured me out by now, humor is important to me. So please, give these ladies a visit and say hello.

Mel's Way or No Way - Mel is a character and a half. Go read her and find out yourself.

Mrs. Loudshoes - Pay attention when you're reading and you will finish with a smile on your face. Her weekly recap of The Amazing Race will have you rolling.

New Bo - Oh to be young again. NewBo is finishing up school and she is crazy, I mean c.r.a.z.y in love.

AlphaFemme - She promises that she won't bite - and that's too bad.

Individual, Incredible Me - Is a new blogger. Go visit and read about the hippo and then the valentines postings and you'll fall in love with her like I did. Oh, and she's crazy in love with someone too.

Go now and check out these sexy ladies.

The Weekend Boom!

2010-03-16T09:48:00.000-07:00

You have to wonder where the time goes. Yes, at times it flies by at the supersonic speed. Did you hear that boom?

Weekends have become nothing but a blink of the eye. Taking out one hour of my precious weekend sucks a big one too. I don't care that I get that hour back later, I'm talking about now time.

Hey, I was down 60 fucking bucks at the casino during one of my weekend blinks. Mrs Jude and I had gone up there for our so called "free" breakfast. It's the only fucking coupon that Mrs Jude religiously uses every month. Do you think I could get her to use the grocery item coupons, hell NO! Casino coupon? She's there in a flash. At least they serve a decent breakfast from eggs Benedict, steak and eggs or just plain old eggs and the crispiest bacon in the world. So the breakfast was good, coffee even better but the problem was, it was costing me 60 fucking bucks and I wasn't a happy camper.

I went back to a machine that I had a short winning streak earlier. It sucked in my 20 bill, I got it up to 57 bucks and I cashed it out. I put in another 20, got it up to 45 bucks and cashed it out again. The last 20 I played with, the machine ate it like I ate my crispy bacon so I found Mrs Jude and we left. At least I was able to turn it all around into a free breakfast. Take that you big bad casino.

We took the pups to the doggy park right up the road from us. Harley usually sticks close to me. She might find a ball to play with, I'll toss it for her, she brings it back. She thinks I need the play time, she's probably right. The other one, Ziggy, you know the little red mini pin guy who still thinks he's got his brass kahoonies attached to him, he runs his little stubby tail off. And that's a good thing. He tear asses all over the field and stops to sniff the butts. He was playing then fighting with a pit bull puppy. My stupid little dog is acting like a big dog to a dog who's head is half the size of Ziggy. We left the park.

A book store visit and a movie, Shitter Island (the book is sooo much better) and that was the weekend blink.

Now back at work and it's only Tuesday? Fuck it, let me hear that boom to Friday!

Crumb Crusher Shopping

2010-03-10T17:12:00.000-08:00

The verdict is in, my Crumb Crushing shopping is better than Mrs. Jude's. (can you see the big ass smile on my face?).

Over a year ago the first grand baby born was a boy. The clothes that I picked out for little A were more stylish and appreciated by A's Mom than the one's that were picked out by my Wife. I was elected the official shopper of all future clothes for #1 grand child.

The new grand baby is a girl. Mrs. Jude thought she was going to be the responsible shopper for this one. This past weekend we went to the store together. I did my duty and picked out some outfits for boy A then wandered across "the line" into the infants and concentrated on some of the girly girl things and ended up with a few outfits for E.

The packages arrived today and guess who's girly girl outfits got the most outrageous comments from the Mom? (you've gotta be able to see and feel the big shit ass grin on my face now).

I'll begin mentoring Mrs. Jude on the fine art of fashion soon; maybe or maybe not.

My New Hell-Day

2010-03-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I fell at work. One second I was walking along and a half second later my lips were kissing the carpeting (and not my preferred kind of carpet). I was able to get up and carry on for the rest of that day but my moment of klutziness resulted in my knee getting slightly fucked up.

Enter the workman's comp dog and pony show.

WC sends me to THEIR Doc. To date I've seen him twice. My knee isn't improving. Pain, swelling and mostly it's hampering my style of Mrs J's pursuit of happiness and I can't have that happening. Don't worry, the bum knee isn't stopping ALL of that activity.

The WC Doc prescribed 6 visits, twice a week of physical therapy.

The WC insurance lady must be a better doctor than their WC Doc because the prescription was changed to 4 visits, once a week.

What-the-fuck-ever!

Last week was my first visit to the physical therapist. I had imagined I was either going to get a large women with a uni-brow named Olga or a sweet young thing proudly showing her never ending cleavage. I got neither one.

My PT is middle age, shorter than me, within her optimum weight, nice lady and she fucking hurt me! First she checked the range of motion and was surprised at the fact that I couldn't swing my leg and foot over my head. Then while I was on my back on a cushy table she began to massage the affected area. Now that felt good for the first minute or so then she started to massage deeper and then painfully deeper. As her fingers burrowed around my knee I held back my tears by holding my breath. The therapist is an Olga in disguised.

After Olga showed me the stretches and exercises I'm suppose to do all week I thought I was done. Pffft, hardly! I was back on the table when she told a tech assistant to roll out the electrode machine a.k.a. the torture machine. Shortly after that announcement I was all hooked up and for the next 15 minutes electrical shocks (impulses) were searing through my knee. The tech ass asked me if she could get me a magazine to read. As sparks were shooting out of my eyes I politely declined her offer.

All week long I've seen and felt a big change in my knee pain and movement. I.can.barely.walk and I've begun hating Wednesday's with the same passion as Monday's.

My Shinning Starr...

2010-03-05T07:17:00.000-08:00

....and here she is,
Elektra Starr

Ok you little Dudette,
cry your tiny lungs out
when ever you need
anything.

And I'll see you
in June.

Love
and a million hugs,
Jamma Jude.

Feeling Giddy

2010-03-04T10:26:00.000-08:00

Chocolates and Cigars for everyone today.

Mrs. Jude and I have become grand parents again.
This time, a little girl!!!!

The details:
8 lbs something ozs
Born sometime this morning.
She already has a full head of hair!
She's a little girl!
aaaaawwwwww

Her name is Elektra and see! I was
properly dressed in my
Superman fuzzies to
receive the best ever news.

I can see little pink hoodies,
flowery overalls,
a baseball cap and a
Rawlings Renegade baseball mitt
in my shopping cart
in the near future.

Well, maybe I have to
wait a few years
to buy that mitt.

Ok, now let me
find my corner
to go into
and
giggle for
the rest of the day.

Butch Shopping

2010-03-01T12:52:00.000-08:00

I've never been thrilled with clothes shopping. Growing up and being dragged along by my Mother through Macy's was always an ugly experience. Trying on the shit that she made me wear gave me reoccurring nightmares. The skirts, the blouses, oh! how she tried.

Now most of my shopping is done online since I favor (favor? who the fuck am I kidding) I only purchase menswear.

One exception is the men's store in town. Thanks to the saleswomen that work there I have no problem going into this store and buying anything from slacks to underwear. The women actually help me AND let me try on anything in the only dressing room. They always give me a warm hello when I walk in and either leave me alone to do my shopping or are right there by my side when I have a question. The way they treat me discounts the looks I get from the other shoppers in the store. Usually a direct smile and a wink to those people result in either a confused look or a quick look away which amuses me to no end.

That store has become my little house of joy because it gives me the perfect shopping experience. I get cool new clothes, a feel good experience about myself and sometimes an added bonus of entertainment. You can't beat that type of shopping.

So fellow Butches, how are your shopping experiences?

Oh and BTW, I'm not discounting the Femmes here. In fact there is nothing that makes me happier than going shopping with a Femme. I will even go as far as holding Mrs. Jude's purse so she can try on a pair of 3 inch heels; though I do look a tad awkward.

It's Going to Happen

2010-02-24T15:12:00.000-08:00

So get over it.

Go here and either buy a few or get your FREE single sticker. This one is mine. ;)

I'm Not Really...

2010-02-21T19:14:00.000-08:00

"I'm not really gay"....That's what Mrs Jude says all the time.

I'm her first and she claims her last woman because she's not gay. My head does the Ziggy side to side tilt when she says that too. She tells me she doesn't look at women the same as I do and other women don't turn her on. Yet she's with me so I've never been able to figure that whole thing out so I've always laughed it off.

Recently though she's changed her mind.

Rewind to the Palm Springs weekend when we were sitting at the bar and four very pretty Latino women walked in. Two very prominent Butches and two Femmes walked by us to go to the outside bar and Mrs. Judes head swiveled like the Chuckie doll and she declared at that moment...

Mrs J: Ok, I'm gay.

Me: What do you mean you're gay? You're finally ready to admit that after all these years?

Mrs J: Yes. So what.

Me: What changed your mind?

Mrs J: Those women are hot.

Me: What about me?

Mrs J: Of course, you're still hot Silly. It's just those women have such an attitude about them, like they're proud of their women, no matter what size they are.

Me: *drinks another shot of Jagermeister* Well, I'm very proud of you and I love it when we're walking together; side by side, you in front of me or hand in hand.

Mrs J: I know. It's their gangster hat. I'll buy you one.

Me: *more head tilting* OK and I'll buy you a pair of black high heel boots.

Mrs J: But I'm not going to be able......

Me: *raises one eyebrow and smiles* Don't worry, you won't have to walk in them, believe me.

Mrs J: *smiles*

My Wife is finally gay. Will someone send me a fucking toaster please!

Our Special Day

2010-02-14T15:45:00.001-08:00

Jersey Shore, 1982

Twenty eight years ago
we were kids,
skinny,
hell, I even had brown hair
and we had each other
for the first time in
our lives.

Twenty eight Valentines ago
we had the hottest passion,
ear splitting fights,
and we thought we would
give our relationship
a try.

What we didn't have back then is
the mature passion we feel now,
nor the love we have for each
others company and knowing
the others steps so well.

Sweet Heart, my love for
you today is so different
from yesterdays love
and I continue to be amazed
on how my love grows
each passing year.

You are the
one for
me.

I am thrilled

To be the
one for
you.

Happy Valentines Day
and
Happy Anniversary

XOXO

Heading North East

2010-02-10T16:38:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling bad for my family and friends that are sick and tired of getting hit with the white stuff. I remember those days too well and I'll be thinking about you all while we're traveling north east to the desert on Friday. The first item on my packing list is shorts because Mrs. Jude just informed me that the temps in Palm Springs will be in the 70's this weekend; better pack some sunscreen too. Snow or sand??? Sand wins.

Did You Find Everything Sir?

2010-02-07T12:01:00.000-08:00

Kinda like "Can I help you Sir?", happens to me all the time too. Lately I've noticed a difference, actually Mrs Jude is the one that noticed the change.

I was at "The OutdoorsMAN" store yesterday. It was raining, I couldn't go fishing so I went searching for a new (bigger) tackle box to hold my increased inventory of shiny and stinky lures. I must of spent around 45 minutes in the store looking at ALL the fishing items and then finding the perfect tackle box after many intense minutes of checking each one. An added plus was no salesperson annoyed me. After getting what I needed I went up to the check out counter.....

CheckOut Man: Did you find everything you were looking for Sir?

Me: Yes I did thanks.

COM: And I saw that Steve helped you out (looking at me).

Me: "smiling"

COM: These new contacts are bothering my eyes. I'm having a very difficult time seeing today.

Me: "chuckling" Oh, that's too bad.

COM: Thanks for shopping at blah blah blah.

When I got home......

Mrs Jude: So how did you do?

Me: I'm all set with gear now and I got sir'ed.

Mrs J: But that doesn't seem to bother you anymore.

Me: No it doesn't, actually I kinda like it now.

It use to be whenever I got the "sir" I would counter with the same (ma'am for a man, or sir for a woman) which forced the person to be either apologetic or uncomfortable. Now what the hell, I don't worry about it anymore. So what if people get confused or their contacts are bothering them, I'm happy with the way I am.

No way Jose

2010-02-03T12:20:00.001-08:00

Received an email today:

"The Fire Dept. is seeking qualified men and women, minimum 50 years of age for the Fire Department Senior Volunteer Program. Uniformed Volunteers provide incident support and perform daily operational duties."

Fuck that shit. That only means you get to stand on the roadway directing traffic, clean up after sloppy firefighters in the fire house and spit shine the trucks. And doing all of these activities while in uniform. I.don't.think.so.

Now if it meant hanging onto the end of a charged attack line, I would definitely do that again.

Taking advantage of old farts. Eat it.

... jumped over my line

2010-01-31T10:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Cousin S and I went fishing. We got up at 5 o'fuck 30, drove to the lake, rented a boat and motored over to one of the prime fishing spots and stayed there all morning. 6 hours and 6 fish later we came in. Yes, we caught 6 trout. Well, Cousin S caught em, I had only one friggin hit and caught some sunburn on my face.

I was using what I thought were delicious looking earth worms. How could either the cat fish, bass or trout pass by this wonderfully squiggling hunk of moving slimy muscle? I got nothing.
Cousin S was using a shiny gold lure. He got two off of that fake thing.

A fish jumped and Cousin S threw his line past the water circle. He caught one.
Later another fish jumped, I did the same, over and over again. Pfft! A little later a fish jumped right over my line!!??!! Shithead.

And then for fuck's sake, I was texted by a FEMME (yes a femme) to use stinky power bait! So I borrowed some from Cousin S, switched over and Lesbo, I got nothing. Sorry, he only had yellow.
Cousin S used a power bait worm and hooked a trout.

I switched over to a rainbow shinny thing and played with that for a while. Nada, rien, niente, zippo.
Cousin S showed me a new shiny noisy thing and told me if he catches a fish and sends in a picture of it he'll get three free lures. He caught a fish with it and I had to take his fucking picture.

Cousin S - 6
Jude - 0

I did not take a life yesterday and I had a wonderful time out on the water, relaxing in the sun and fresh air....yes.I.did.

Last night I stopped in at my sports store. Bought an extra pole license (from the same girl that sold me my original license, she smiled), a gold, a silver and a blue shiny thing, got one of those red and gold shiny noisy things that if you catch one you send in the picture, three jars of stinky power bait (one is bright pink and orange) and a bag of super stinky catfish bait. I also got a net because what the fuck, if I'm not ready to bring in a fish all the way I'll never catch one, right?

So, Cousin S, get ready to take a picture of ME next time.